Why I go to church

Something happened this past week which greatly upset me. Trying to be stoic (Stoic isn’t exactly my middle name, right?), I did not cry. I attempted to put it out of my mind. I worked a lot. Last night, still trying to not cry, I dragged my Tax Deductions all over town shopping (uh, not exactly normal, see). Then I put them to bed and started a Home Improvement Project. Woke up this morning still determined not to cry, to put it in perspective, not to think about it, and go to church hoping that the pew we usually sit in wasn’t occupied (which, irrationally, annoys me every time it happens).

And sitting in church, holding onto my Tax Deductions with Dude playing with my hair, I started to cry. And I kept crying. All the way through sacrament meeting and Sunday school (that would be 2 hours in Protestant and Catholic time). Dude briefly made me laugh by appending “But ours sparkle” to a comment someone made during Sunday school. But I sat out Relief Society as usual and tried to read a sharply amusing/ironic piece called Byuck. And it was amusing for a while—

—until a woman I’ve known for 15 years but rarely have a chance to sit down and converse with (but when we do, though…) asked me how I was doing. Sincerely.

The question, “How are you?” asked sincerely is probably the hardest question in the world to answer. Maybe even harder than, “What is the meaning of life?”

And I started to cry again. I laid it all out for her. When I was finished, she drew an analogy for me that made me understand that it was just one small drop of water in the ocean of my life. And I felt better.

Now, this friend always makes me feel better, but we aren’t BFFs. Never have been. It would not have occurred to me to call her and say, “Make me feel better,” but in retrospect, she is the only one who could have done so.

I feel better.

’Cause I went to church today.

4 thoughts on “Why I go to church

  • November 23, 2008 at 3:02 pm

    That’s always a hard question for me to answer also. I would like to be honest if I’m not doing great, or even okay, but I know that most of the time the person asking really doesn’t care and only asked out of habit or politeness.

    If what you were upset about is the same thing you mentioned in your message to me the other day, I’m sorry you were still bothered by it. I do hope you’re feeling much better now and also aren’t too financially wounded from the shopping with the Deductions. 🙂

  • November 23, 2008 at 6:50 pm


    I believe that the sociality of the Saints is vitally important. And that people like me would never learn as much if Church attendance weren’t expected.

    (ps: i’m glad it helped for a while at least 🙂

  • November 23, 2008 at 6:59 pm

    Sandi, thanks. Yes, it was still bugging me, though not as much as before you made your comment. Say, if you do post on your LiveJournal, will you let me know? Perhaps post the URL?

    Th. Yes, it did, thanks, although I’m noticing a tinge of underlying sadness (at this point, anyway) that I don’t know if it was meant or not. It adds a certain wistful poignancy. Is that redundant?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *