The unsung hero

So in light of today’s confessional, I need to talk about something that occurred to me Saturday and has been percolating ever since.

One reason I despise sitcoms is because so often the dad is made out to be an idiot. Yeah. He is. He goes to work (usually at a job he hates), provides for his family, and gets slammed at every turn. Why is he putting up with this?

A mobile phone commercial from a couple of years ago (I forget the provider) has stuck in my head. A middle-class black family, with the kids completely disrespecting the father for some reason, and I thought, “Yeah, that Stupid Dad thing transcends race. All dads are stupid according to Hollywood and Madison Avenue.” The only dad I can recall on TV who wasn’t portrayed as terminally stupid was Bill Cosby, but as everybody knows, he’s got very definite opinions about what is and is not acceptable behavior in parent-child relationships.


Saturday I went out (outside!) to blow leaves. Manual labor gives me the opportunity to let my mind wander, and I was thinking about my husband, who was at work, a typically structured corporate-type job (albeit with hours that are a bit out of the norm), one he sometimes doesn’t care for very much. But it’s secure and we have good health insurance.

I’d been spending my day fiddle-farting around. Did a couple of ebook jobs, did a little DDJ, did some cleaning, some reading… Yelled at my kids (that’s normal). I decided to go do this little chore and it occurred to me about an hour into the job that my husband is the reason I have the freedom to fiddle-fart around, arrange my day any way I want it, and…


I would never have done this without him behind me. He believed in my talent when I didn’t and spent years pounding his faith into my head. He sacrifices endlessly for me financially and with his time, and this venture that would not exist without him.

No, I would never have done this on my own. It was him, his faith in me, his willingness to sacrifice everything for me. He bears my temper tantrums and my moodiness and my not-very-niceness (read: bitch-on-wheels-ness) with grace and equanimity. He comforts me and dries my tears and helps me solve my problems. He gave me children and supports them and me, helps corral them to let me work.

I’d have nothing were it not for him.

14 thoughts on “The unsung hero

  • December 7, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    Go Dude! Rowar!

    My Dude, too. Dems awesome. And I have been having some SERIOUS Miss Bitchy Pants Parties lately.

  • December 7, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    Your dude is wonderful…you are lucky.

    Me, too. My dude(s) are spectacular…when i am Bitchy Pants or Psycho Queen or Neurotic Nellie…

    Give your dude a hug from me…just because he rocks.

  • December 8, 2009 at 12:47 am

    Dude is not a hero. Dude does what dudes should do….especially when they are married to someone as talented as Dude’s wife is. Dude is the lucky one.

  • December 8, 2009 at 8:24 am

    Considering the more-than-40 year marriage of my parents, I have the feeling that both parties need to bring something to the table – and the first offering on both sides needs to be a willingness for compromise regarding their own selfish desires (hence my single state).

    *point to comment above her*
    I heartily admire both of you for reflecting on what’s unique and praiseworthy/loveable in each other and keeping that in mind in the midst of the daily grind.

    May you two also reach 40+ plus years of marriage in good health!

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  • December 9, 2009 at 12:15 am

    Dude wishes to clarify.Dude is very happy that Dude’s wife thinks so highly of Dude. But Dude thinks heroes are firefighters, soldiers and other such people who risk their lives for other people, whether it is daily, as in some cases, or a once-in-a-lifetime incident.

  • December 9, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Dude does what dudes should do….

    Yep. That’s a hero, in my mind.

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  • December 19, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    There are difference between “guys,” “men,” and “heroes.”

    Heroes risk themselves–usually literally–for others, whether specifically or generally.

    A man is responsible. He feeds, protects, and supply for his family, or busts his ass trying. When a man makes commitments, he follows through. A man does not see this as heroic; this is the minimum price of self-respect.

    Sometimes boys look up to guys, but they haven’t learned manliness. Nearly all guys, and all men, know the difference. Guys do not believe they are capable of manhood, and therefore avoid responsibility. Some guys retreat from society and try not to be noticed, so they don’t think about being losers. Others construct a facade of bravado and machismo, constantly using “FUN!” to distract themselves (and everyone else) from their insecurity. Either way, in moments of honesty, guys wish they were men.

    Your husband says he isn’t a hero. But it sounds like he is a man.

  • December 19, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    Dude agrees with The Franchise.


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