Caution: warning label ahead


TO: LDS Fiction Publishers


RE: Warning labels

Lest you think I was kidding about that warning label thingie I mentioned only about 16 times across various blogs over the weekend’s little dustup, I bring you a way to justify such a practice to yourself: Sales.

Every time I go to Samhain Publishing to molest my credit card, each book’s description is tagged with a little warning label to warn of situations with which some readers might be uncomfortable. For instance, I’m not really into spanking (morally opposed to pain, especially after the birth of Tax Deduction #2), so I would most likely avoid a book with that warning unless the blurb got me.

But what if the blurb didn’t interest me enough? I’ve bought several books whose blurb made me yawn, but the warning was so funny I bought it anyway. You know what? Books I’ve bought on the basis of the cleverness of the warning have not disappointed me yet. I don’t know who writes the warnings (or the blurbs, either, for that fact), but bring on teh funny.

This is from Jenna Bayley-Burke’s Par for the Course:

Warning. Fore! This title contains explicit sex, and a love story
hazardous to your hankie supply. Oh, and exploding toads.

I have no interest in golf, but even if the blurb didn’t get me, I’d buy it on the basis of exploding toads. What is not funny about exploding toads? (Oh, also? Love the girl’s outfit. The Catholic schoolgirl routine is one of my— Ahem. Never mind.)

So based on my credit card statement about six months ago, I decided to write a warning label for The Proviso. This is to save you all from yourselves and protect you from my wickedness (not to mention to tickle my funny bone). I will not have “tricked” you. I will not have tempted you to “explore beneath every evil unturned stone” (unless, of course, you’re one of those Mormons). I will not be a “wolf” and I will not be “chipping away from within.” If you pick up this book and you’re offended, you have no one to blame but yourself.

No toads were exploded in the creation of this blog post.

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