The 5-year-old Tax Deduction has just informed me that [insert Trendy white-bread Suburban Male Name here]’s mom and dad are always fighting.
Me: So do they fight at school in front of the children?
TD1: No. At home.
Me: Is [TSMN] upset about this?
TD1: No. They don’t want to be together anymore.
Me: Oh, really? How do you know this?
TD1: [TSMN] told me.
Me: Hmm. Do YOUR mommy and daddy fight?
TD1: No. [beat] Do you?
Me: No… We discuss things.
TD1: Is that like fighting?
Me: Only if we have loud voices and yelling. Have you heard us do that?
TD1: No. And [insert Trendy white-bread Suburban Female Name here]’s mom and dad, too.
Me: [TSFN]’s too?
TD1: Yeah. They don’t want to be together, either.
Me [aside to self]: Two meanest kids in the class.