{"id":8402,"date":"2016-11-02T11:48:40","date_gmt":"2016-11-02T17:48:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/?page_id=8402"},"modified":"2026-02-22T19:10:40","modified_gmt":"2026-02-23T00:10:40","slug":"beatitudes","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/extras\/vignettes-outtakes\/dirty-little-secrets\/beatitudes\/","title":{"rendered":"Beatitudes"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

AUGUST 2007<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

EILIS STOOD ON the crumbling sidewalk across the street from an old couple with dark, wizened skin and pure white hair and watched them play catch in the front yard with a couple of children. One was about six and the other was about twelve. They were laughing and calling encouragement to each other, just as Eilis remembered.<\/p>\n

The sun was setting. Eilis didn\u2019t know if they\u2019d just had dinner, if it was on the stove, or it hadn\u2019t been started yet. She recalled that dinner was always at six sharp, and it was almost that. But that was almost thirty years ago and the Potters were old now.<\/p>\n

Another woman came to the door and called sweetly, \u201cDinner in ten. Wash up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eilis recognized her, even though the years had not been kind. She was the Potters\u2019 biological daughter, not quite smart enough to get any but the most menial jobs, smart enough that she knew she wasn\u2019t. It had always frustrated her to tears, softly, into her pillow in the middle of the night when she thought no one could hear.<\/p>\n

Eilis heard. And pondered. She realized how lucky she was that she was smart and perhaps she could do something LaTanya couldn\u2019t do: think. Reason. Eilis hadn\u2019t had the words \u201cto reason\u201d yet. Just a vague idea that her mind could do more. And in the weeks that followed, she had studied the other foster children in the home. They were smart, but they didn\u2019t think past their eighteenth birthdays when they\u2019d be out of the system.<\/p>\n

Eilis wanted to figure out what to do after she got out of the system. How would she support herself other than furtive blow jobs for some quick cash? Where would she go? What would she do? Because she certainly did not want to be a working girl for the rest of her life. She had to get out of the neighborhood. She knew she couldn\u2019t get to Southfork Ranch in Dallas<\/em>, but she might be able to get a respectable job and a respectable little house in a respectable little neighborhood where people might be poor but respectable.<\/p>\n

She continued to watch the adults and children in the yard. They were as happy as Eilis remembered them being. At five minutes to six they trooped inside, and she wondered how\u2014or even if\u2014she should talk to them. To offer help of some kind. If she helped them, should she do it anonymously? She wanted to thank them. She wanted them to know she was thanking them.<\/p>\n

She spoke suddenly, startling her cousin Felix who stood beside her, and said these things.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re proud people,\u201d Felix said low. \u201cIf you donate through me, they won\u2019t protest. They\u2019ll just get a lot more resources than I usually give them.\u201d He paused. \u201cI had to fight them, you know. They\u2019re moral and honorable way past a fault and wanted to report their extra.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eilis sighed. \u201cI didn\u2019t mean materially, but I do wish they were a little more deep-sighted.\u201d She always had. Even as a kid, she knew what they should do, even if she didn\u2019t have the words. She had her innate management skills and math to help them, thanks to Fen\u2019s DNA, but she was a kid and they were adults who thought the government was a moral<\/em> authority. \u201cHow did you get them under the table?\u201d she murmured.<\/p>\n

\u201cI told them, first, I\u2019d go to prison again and it would mean the whole neighborhood would suffer. They\u2019ve already been through that so they had a frame of reference. They\u2019re not going to make innocents suffer for their honor. Second, that the higher law is God.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yes, they would respond to that. \u201cJesus said to render unto Caesar what was Caesar\u2019s.\u201d Boy, did she remember that sermon. It had always rankled for reasons she only found out later.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, they tried that. I referenced the Sermon on the Mount.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eilis shook her head. That was familiar, but she didn\u2019t remember the story.<\/p>\n

\u201cJesus was preaching. More and more people gathered. It was a long day and people got hungry. They may or may not have had anything at home to eat, probably not, so it would\u2019ve been pointless to leave to eat. And Jesus was preaching that the meek would inherit the Earth. So he asked who had brought a lunch. He collected five loaves of bread and two fish. To feed five thousand people.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eilis snorted.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe did it. He fed five thousand people on that. It was one of his many miracles.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you really believe that happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes it matter? Miracles happen every day. People just don\u2019t recognize them. How many times do people say, \u2018It was a miracle that thing happened\u2019? It was a miracle you found out your ex was stealing from you right before he got away with it. How many lives would have been destroyed?\u201d<\/p>\n

She couldn\u2019t dispute that.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe call it many things: happenstance, serendipity, karma, coincidence, fate. God. Even if it\u2019s a myth, Jesus\u2019s point was to call it God. So I asked the Potters\u2014\u201d He chucked his chin to the now-empty yard. \u201c\u2014if Caesar demanded a monetary percentage of the value of the food Jesus produced. It wasn\u2019t Caesar\u2019s, so he didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know them, though. By their logic, if he had, Jesus would have been honorable enough to have them cough it up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr produce it out of thin air and satisfy the debt to make it easy for his people to listen to him. That\u2019s what I do. I\u2019m not Jesus, but I am doing his work. The Potters had to admit that no, Caesar was not entitled to a percentage of the value of the food. And by refusing our help, they were making it more difficult for the children than it had to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

Suddenly, Eilis understood. \u201cThey don\u2019t take cash from you. Just goods.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd their roof. I bought their house so they don\u2019t pay rent. Or utilities. But I did have to get their preacher involved and he backed me up.\u201d Felix shrugged. \u201cHe was thrilled I\u2019d finally gotten through to them. Now they can feel good about going shopping with Joan\u2014\u201d Felix\u2019s wife. \u201c\u2014and she\u2019s pushy about what to buy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eilis wanted to say something sarcastic about how detrimental religion was, but she didn\u2019t. If it hadn\u2019t been for them and their religion, she might not have realized what not to become. Striving to not<\/em> become something was very often more effective than striving to become something. At least for Eilis it had.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want them to know their efforts aren\u2019t in vain.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand the sentiment, but they don\u2019t need or want the thanks because they feel it cheapens their pure hearts. This is your burden to bear, not theirs. If you want to thank them, don\u2019t make them carry it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eilis bowed her head and wiped the tears that leaked out. Felix draped his arm around her and turned her to go down the sidewalk.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have your mission,\u201d he said lightly. \u201cI have mine. Each of us here has a purpose and we all work in tandem. When I need someone else\u2019s talents that we can\u2019t provide, they show up. Like you. All the people in your classes were ready, and I was getting desperate to find someone like you. And there you were. Fate? Coincidence? Karma?\u201d<\/p>\n

Miracle \u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t have to say it.<\/p>\n

\u201cExplain to me,\u201d she said, \u201chow your family is so wrapped up in money, then turn around and do \u2026 these types of things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe philosophies we follow about money and social responsibility don\u2019t prohibit charity. They depend on the altruism of individuals to take care of the people who can\u2019t take care of themselves. They prohibit the government taking from us to do it. It steals from us and enslaves the people it claims to help by keeping them at subsistence level. Punishing them for working to better themselves. We\u2019d resent it less if it were a true step up. Seed money. But it\u2019s not and it\u2019s expressly designed not to be. Sebastian\u2019s mission\u2014and everyone else who donates\u2014is to provide seed money and everything our people need to protect it. It\u2019s not their responsibility just because they\u2019re rich, but it is how true capitalism works. A rising tide raises all boats, yes?<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were raised to serve. Mormons as a culture see being rich as a virtue because we will then have the resources to feed the poor and we are commanded to do so. No matter how many times I get thrown in prison, the church will not excommunicate me because I obey the higher law. And I have access to a lot of money.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eilis was compelled to keep what was hers. She did not share and it made her ill to do so after years of protecting what little she had. It was difficult to think altruistically, difficult to throw money at Felix. So she didn\u2019t. Did this make her immoral according to capitalism or whatever gods they worshipped?<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Felix said when she asked him. \u201cIn your everyday life, you provide jobs and you went through hell to keep those jobs. Here, you donate your time. No amount of money can buy the knowledge you bring to the neighborhood and your willingness to share it. That it hurts to be here at all makes it even more precious. You have the experience to be empathetic to the neighborhood\u2019s struggles and the knowledge to teach it effectively.<\/p>\n

\u201cKnox is a born teacher, but he can\u2019t empathize because he grew up rich. Sebastian can teach, but he isn\u2019t effective in this context. Giselle has nothing left to give anyone after the demands the family makes on her. She makes it possible for the rest of us to reach outward instead of spending our time taking care of our own. But now her real mission is to save Bryce and by saving Bryce, she saves dozens of burn victims around the world. \u00c9tienne and Tess have not only donated, but they built here, provided inexpensive shelter, energy, and water. They also found it valuable because they refined their green energy skills, funneled new technology they developed here into their projects, then donated back into this community to build better housing. Now I have contractors who are willing to donate their time off the books to continue their work. It\u2019s a cycle.<\/p>\n

\u201cNobody I have access to can do what you do. And if I did, none of them would tolerate the guff your students give you. They wouldn\u2019t understand how angry, afraid, and suspicious they are. Nobody else in my family would understand because we have a family and we take of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eilis was in tears. She had never felt valuable to anybody until Sebastian had run HRP for two months\u2014and nearly run it into the ground\u2014and she was still uncomfortable with her employees\u2019 approval of her leadership. Here, she was valuable and, like unconditional kindness, it was frightening and intimidating and painful to accept in case it was ripped out from under her.<\/p>\n

Yes, she understood her students all too well. Yes, it was why she tolerated\u2014indulged\u2014their cynicism, sarcasm, jabs, and angry outbursts. It didn\u2019t hurt her feelings and she could turn those things into teaching moments. It was part of the process of transitioning out of the neighborhood. Eilis had simply gone through it at a much younger age. Her classes were more group therapy than academic. And she had time because she had the resources to spend her time here.<\/p>\n

She went home without having thanked her beloved foster family. Now she understood because Eilis, too, did not want thanks from her students.<\/p>\n

It hurt too much.<\/p>\n

★<\/p>\n

2026022<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

AUGUST 2007 EILIS STOOD ON the crumbling sidewalk across the street from an old couple with dark, wizened skin and pure white hair and watched them play catch in the front yard with a couple of children. One was about six and the other was about twelve. They were laughing and calling encouragement to each […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":39,"menu_order":4130,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-8402","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8402"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8402"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8402\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23490,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8402\/revisions\/23490"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/39"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8402"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}