{"id":5984,"date":"2015-03-09T23:03:53","date_gmt":"2015-03-10T04:03:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/mojo\/?page_id=5984"},"modified":"2026-03-31T22:58:46","modified_gmt":"2026-04-01T03:58:46","slug":"allowme","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/allowme\/","title":{"rendered":"ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"eddsection\">\n<div class=\"eddfloat_dl\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"eddcover_dl\">\n<figure class=\"b10mwx\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/b10mediaworx.com\/covers\/allowme\/allowme-200x300.jpg\"><figcaption class=\"b10mwx\">Originally published in<br \/><em>Monsters &#038; Mormons<\/em><br \/>\u00a92011 Moriah Jovan<br \/>10,000 words (34 pages)<\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<article>\n<\/p>\n<div class=\"linksbuyblock\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"Buy Allow Me to Introduce Myself\">\n<p class=\"linksedd\">Buy direct:<\/p>\n\t<form id=\"edd_purchase_5832\" class=\"edd_download_purchase_form edd_purchase_5832\" method=\"post\">\n\n\t\t\t<div class=\"edd_price_options edd_multi_mode\" >\n\t\t<ul>\n\t\t\t<li id=\"edd_price_option_5832_epub\"><label for=\"edd_price_option_5832_1\"><input type=\"checkbox\"  checked='checked' name=\"edd_options[price_id][]\" id=\"edd_price_option_5832_1\" class=\"edd_price_option_5832\" value=\"1\" data-price=\"0.99\"\/>&nbsp;<span class=\"edd_price_option_name\">EPUB<\/span><span class=\"edd_price_option_sep\">&nbsp;&ndash;&nbsp;<\/span><span class=\"edd_price_option_price\">&#36;0.99<\/span><\/label><\/li><li id=\"edd_price_option_5832_pdf\"><label for=\"edd_price_option_5832_2\"><input type=\"checkbox\"  name=\"edd_options[price_id][]\" id=\"edd_price_option_5832_2\" class=\"edd_price_option_5832\" value=\"2\" data-price=\"0.99\"\/>&nbsp;<span class=\"edd_price_option_name\">PDF<\/span><span class=\"edd_price_option_sep\">&nbsp;&ndash;&nbsp;<\/span><span class=\"edd_price_option_price\">&#36;0.99<\/span><\/label><\/li>\t\t<\/ul>\n\t<\/div><!--end .edd_price_options-->\n\t\n\t\t<div class=\"edd_purchase_submit_wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<button class=\"edd-add-to-cart button has-edd-button-background-color has-edd-button-text-color edd-submit\" data-nonce=\"a37830e087\" data-timestamp=\"1776849386\" data-token=\"52ba1184805cfbdb2f935e25e2c580059877b98c4a2ec3bc7655ac84aa1a8f77\" data-action=\"edd_add_to_cart\" data-download-id=\"5832\"  data-variable-price=\"yes\" data-price-mode=multi data-price=\"0.00\" ><span class=\"edd-add-to-cart-label\">Add to Cart<\/span> <span class=\"edd-loading\" aria-label=\"Loading\"><\/span><\/button><input type=\"submit\" class=\"edd-add-to-cart edd-no-js button has-edd-button-background-color has-edd-button-text-color edd-submit\" name=\"edd_purchase_download\" value=\"Add to Cart\" data-action=\"edd_add_to_cart\" data-download-id=\"5832\"  data-variable-price=\"yes\" data-price-mode=multi \/><a href=\"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/checkout\/\" class=\"edd_go_to_checkout button has-edd-button-background-color has-edd-button-text-color edd-submit\" style=\"display:none;\">Checkout<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"edd-cart-ajax-alert\" aria-live=\"assertive\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"edd-cart-added-alert\" style=\"display: none;\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<svg class=\"edd-icon edd-icon-check\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"28\" height=\"28\" viewBox=\"0 0 28 28\" aria-hidden=\"true\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<path d=\"M26.11 8.844c0 .39-.157.78-.44 1.062L12.234 23.344c-.28.28-.672.438-1.062.438s-.78-.156-1.06-.438l-7.782-7.78c-.28-.282-.438-.673-.438-1.063s.156-.78.438-1.06l2.125-2.126c.28-.28.672-.438 1.062-.438s.78.156 1.062.438l4.594 4.61L21.42 5.656c.282-.28.673-.438 1.063-.438s.78.155 1.062.437l2.125 2.125c.28.28.438.672.438 1.062z\"\/>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/svg>\n\t\t\t\t\t\tAdded to cart\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div><!--end .edd_purchase_submit_wrapper-->\n\n\t\t<input type=\"hidden\" name=\"download_id\" value=\"5832\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<input type=\"hidden\" name=\"edd_action\" class=\"edd_action_input\" value=\"add_to_cart\">\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t<\/form><!--end #edd_purchase_5832-->\n\t\n<p class=\"linksedd\">&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span class=\"small85\">Amazon<\/span> <a class=\"allowme\" href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Monsters-Mormons-Wm-Morris-ebook\/dp\/B0061SWL2A\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Kindle<\/a><br \/>\n<span class=\"small85\">Barnes &#038; Noble<\/span> <a class=\"allowme\" href=\"https:\/\/www.barnesandnoble.com\/w\/allow-me-to-introduce-myself-moriah-jovan\/1124091985\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Nook<\/a><br \/>\n<a class=\"allowme\" href=\"http:\/\/books.apple.com\/us\/book\/id1147055147\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Apple iBooks<\/a><br \/>\n<a class=\"allowme\" href=\"https:\/\/play.google.com\/store\/books\/details?id=_DOpDAAAQBAJ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Google Play Books<\/a><br \/>\n<a class=\"allowme\" href=\"https:\/\/www.kobo.com\/us\/en\/ebook\/allow-me-to-introduce-myself-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Kobo eBooks<\/a>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/article>\n<div class=\"top20\">\n<p class=\"eddsum_dl\">A Mormon nun battles demons and insecurity in the Louisiana bayou\u2014with a baby alligator by her side and weapons powered by cold fusion.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"sectiontop\">I SIT IN Relief Society picking lint off my new denim skirt\u2014\u201cnew\u201d meaning I scavenged it from the \u201980s sales rack at the vintage consignment shop below my apartment. It\u2019s a cute skirt. I don\u2019t know why the \u201980s are so maligned.<\/p>\n<p>The lesson today (the law of chastity) has devolved into the temptations and dangers facing the singles of the church, of which I am one\u2014not by circumstance, you see, but by calling. I am a nun.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not an official calling in the church; in fact, the Metairie Louisiana Singles Branch President doesn\u2019t even know about it.<\/p>\n<p>This calling comes straight from the top.<\/p>\n<p>There are others. We have no title but for what we call ourselves: nuns and monks.<\/p>\n<p>We draw our strength from celibacy. If we should marry, our bodies\u2019 enhancements and talents will vanish.<\/p>\n<p>Like cutting off Samson\u2019s hair.<\/p>\n<p>Spouses, families\u2014they would hamper us. After all, they don\u2019t sell life insurance for what we do (Acts-of-God clauses are pesky things) and there is simply no way to multiply and replenish the earth if it\u2019s possible you\u2019ll die the next evening in the line of duty. There is an extra layer of protection: We\u2019re not very good looking (so as to repel the opposite sex) and our desire for companionship and&nbsp;\u2026 <em>relations<\/em>&nbsp;\u2026 is tamped, if not completely eradicated (to keep us from distraction).<\/p>\n<p>The dangers facing all members of the church\u2014but especially <em>singles<\/em>\u2014are listed on the chalkboard by the teacher, who is reading from the manual. Bullet-point instruction number three at the back of the lesson is to write the list on the chalkboard. So she does:<\/p>\n<p>Pornography (a perennial favorite)<\/p>\n<p>Discouragement (the human condition)<\/p>\n<p>Temptations (these are not enumerated)<\/p>\n<p>Friends of dubious quality (no judgment there, right?)<\/p>\n<p>R-rated movies (<em>Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me<\/em> is PG-13, so it\u2019s okay)<\/p>\n<p>Coke (of the caffeinated variety)<\/p>\n<p>There are a few they left out, most notably the ones I fight, which I will do tonight, as I do most nights. I dare not say a word about these dangers, nor do I allow myself to comment on the ones listed on the board. In fact, I don\u2019t comment at all.<\/p>\n<p>Ever.<\/p>\n<p>But I do pray, when asked.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m asked a lot.<\/p>\n<p>Sunday school follows Relief Society, and after that, sacrament meeting, where I will take notes on the night\u2019s work. I very rarely have to take notes to do my job, but I\u2019m far more relaxed right now than usual\u2014nearly in a trance\u2014which means I\u2019m being prepared to write.<\/p>\n<p>The boys (they\u2019re single, so no one thinks of them as <em>men<\/em>\u2014a pity, really) trickle into the Relief Society room from Priesthood for Gospel Doctrine, and I spot him immediately: a smallish man, perhaps five-eight with a wiry build.<\/p>\n<p>My partner.<\/p>\n<p>I haven\u2019t worked with a partner since I got out of training, nor was I told I was getting one today\u2014but it doesn\u2019t surprise me.<\/p>\n<p>Things have changed.<\/p>\n<p>We know each other on sight, and he takes the seat beside me.<\/p>\n<p>We don\u2019t speak.<\/p>\n<p>I am asked to give the opening prayer and I do. I feel the Holy Ghost\u2019s power flow through me as I pray, and while I don\u2019t claim any more spiritual gifts than the next human, occasionally I do receive more than my share.<\/p>\n<p>There is someone in this room in great need of comfort. I don\u2019t know who, but it doesn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n<p>I do what I\u2019m told.<\/p>\n<p>I sit, and my partner takes a piece of paper and a pen out of the inside pocket of his suit coat. He writes in reformed Egyptian.<\/p>\n<p>I look down through the bottom focal of my trifocal eyeglasses, read, then nod.<\/p>\n<p>When I look up through the top focus of the lens, the glyphs disappear. He folds the paper carefully and puts it back in his pocket, along with the pen.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t like working with a partner. None of us do. But we have learned not to question. Those who question die. Not that dying is a punishment, or even a bad thing. It just messes things up for the rest of us: work schedules, vacations, and the like.<\/p>\n<p>Unquestioning obedience is a gift, one I was given specifically when I was set apart for this calling.<\/p>\n<p>I sneak a peek at my new partner\u2019s hands. They\u2019re huge, completely out of proportion to the rest of his body.<\/p>\n<p>He has bigger guns than I do.<\/p>\n<p>Possibly as much as a gigajoule.<\/p>\n<p>Rats.<\/p>\n<p>I catch his glance at my hands, then I catch his smirk as he looks away again.<\/p>\n<p>Physiology and anatomy. I can only do so much with what I\u2019m given.<\/p>\n<p>I sigh.<\/p>\n<p>Yet we sit together in sacrament meeting. I still don\u2019t know his name.<\/p>\n<p>After the sacrament is passed, I retrieve my notebook and pen from my purse. The talks begin, and I write.<\/p>\n<p>In glyphs.<\/p>\n<p>He unzips his scripture case, and retrieves a pair of specs out of the pocket.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s my turn to smirk, as he is not happy.<\/p>\n<p>The monks may have more firepower, but when partnered, the nuns take the dictation and give the orders.<\/p>\n<p>But soon I space out, writingwritingwriting. I must get it right and my language abilities are average, not always up capturing the nuance of a situation. In this case, I\u2019m not even sure what I\u2019m saying, and that unnerves me. The only thing I can decipher for certain is \u201cthe unique dangers.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sacrament meeting ends.<\/p>\n<p>He nods in the direction of my notebook, takes off his specs, and we go our separate ways.<\/p>\n<p>I drive home, throw my vintage 1980s outfit in the dirty-clothes hamper (I still don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with the \u201980s), and fall into bed.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m exhausted, and I don\u2019t know why.<\/p>\n<p class=\"sectiontop\">HE\u2019S NEVER BEEN here.<\/p>\n<p>I can tell because he can barely keep from puking into the swamp, and his neoprene skin is making him fidget and wiggle.<\/p>\n<p>Definitely a roving monk.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGas mask?\u201d I ask and offer him something that very much resembles Cthulhu.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI am not wearing that,\u201d he snaps.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLittle bit touchy, are we, Monk?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShut up, Nun.\u201d He doesn\u2019t offer his name. Probably something boring like John. \u201cPray.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I do.<\/p>\n<p>The sun is just setting when he locks his 0.75-gigajoule disperser down to his titanium gauntlet with much exaggeration. \u201cGot your affairs in order?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>Break a leg<\/em> in nun-and-monk speak.<\/p>\n<p>I stand for a minute and stare at his gauntlet and matching gun, both so much more decorated than mine, engraved with lightning bolts. My gauntlets and weapons are engraved with paisleys. Pretty, but&nbsp;\u2026 <\/p>\n<p>Pretty.<\/p>\n<p>Feminine.<\/p>\n<p>To do a job like this.<\/p>\n<p>I grit my teeth and pull my left-hand disperser out of its case, lock it down to the gauntlet, lay the telescoping barrel along my titanium-covered index finger, then lock it down with tiny clips.<\/p>\n<p>Point and shoot.<\/p>\n<p>Once my right extremity is similarly burdened, I click my night-vision goggles down over my specs, and lead the way into the twilight, into the swamp where it\u2019s already dark as midnight, downdowndown, gradually being covered in slime until I\u2019m chest deep in it.<\/p>\n<p>Yeah, it stinks. But this is where I work, so I\u2019m used to it and I\u2019ve already stuffed my nose with Mentholatum. I have the clearest sinuses in the Atchafalaya basin.<\/p>\n<p>I haven\u2019t been allowed to go into the swamp for the last two weeks, since the flood waters from up north began rising in earnest. It\u2019s taken that long for my sensors and weapons to be recalibrated for the extreme change in environment. The animals have been driven up out of the swamp and what crude oil was left on land has been pulled back into the water. With water comes mold, fungus, mosquitoes, and other diseases, but that\u2019s not a concern for hunters. The crude, well&nbsp;\u2026 I don\u2019t know how\u2014or even if\u2014the sludge will react to the extra radioactivity my partner brings, which is orders of magnitude above mine.<\/p>\n<p>But we don\u2019t question, because to question is to die. The general authorities overseeing our gadgetry supply us with whatever we need to do our jobs.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy aren\u2019t we taking your boat?\u201d Only now do I detect a mid-Utah accent. Great. A JelloBeltian.<\/p>\n<p>I grab a palm full of water and let it trickle back out through my fingers. I still have a hand full of refuse. \u201cLook at that. It\u2019s soup. Chock full of plants. Oil. Trash from the floods. I don\u2019t want my motor bound up in\u2014\u201d I point to a heavy drape of Spanish moss that floats on the surface. He looks around. Spanish moss is everywhere. \u201c\u2014that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He says nothing and we trudge through the thick water.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCrocodiles?\u201d he asks after a while.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2019Gators, rather,\u201d I say. \u201cThey won\u2019t bother us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know that,\u201d he snaps. Again. He might as well be a \u2019gator, he\u2019s snappin\u2019 so much. He\u2019s not questioning, but he sure is murmuring.<\/p>\n<p>Murmuring doesn\u2019t get you dead. It might get you injured, though. Very distracting activity, murmuring. I\u2019d rather he not murmur around me when he\u2019s got enough energy to melt a ton of steel.<\/p>\n<p>(I bet it kills him he can\u2019t control a whole gigajoule.)<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhere were you last?\u201d I ask conversationally as we wade through slime, our dispersers primed to shoot.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGobi Desert,\u201d he answers, and I catch something wistful in his voice.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou liked it there.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat were you hunting?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHad a band of specter demons going through the villages. Wiped \u2019em out.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Specter demons.<\/p>\n<p>Psychiatrists call it \u201cauditory or visual hallucinations,\u201d a symptom of several psychiatric disorders, but <em>we<\/em> know what they are: Lucifer\u2019s army, waging war on those of us with bodies\u2014<em>on<\/em> our bodies\u2014because he can\u2019t make any real headway in his war on Father and Mother.<\/p>\n<p>Specter demons are the grub worms of the psyche, chewing up people\u2019s neural pathways like grass roots, leaving dead lawn behind. We\u2019re allowed to attempt to heal the damage, but we mostly can\u2019t. We\u2019re only required to get the demons out of our plane and bar them from future entry.<\/p>\n<p>Like internet trolls.<\/p>\n<p>But there are a lot of internet trolls.<\/p>\n<p>At the blip of a shadow in the corner of my eye, I point and blast. Swamp water explodes and covers us like debris-ridden oil rain.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEeewww.\u201d Even I\u2019m grossed out as I flick it off my neoprene skin.<\/p>\n<p>The monk rubs his fingers together, brings the substance to his nose. \u201cWell, you got \u2019em.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Good. The sacrifice of my skin will not have been vain.<\/p>\n<p>Demolition demons are the worst. They usually show up in hospitals, disguised as Staph infections, gangrene, pneumonia. The advanced demolitionists manifest as cancer catalysts. The more skilled a demolitionist, the greater power it has over a cell\u2019s ecosystem. Medicine will arrest what it can, and we may be able to do the rest, if we get there in time.<\/p>\n<p>No demon has the power to kill a human; they can only sow the seeds of disease\u2014physical or mental\u2014and let nature take its course. That\u2019s the pact the Parents have with us, their children: Lucifer cannot kill us. Yet he continues to search for a way to do so and this, the Atchafalaya basin, is one of his biggest training grounds and laboratories.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know why he bothers.<\/p>\n<p>Generally, we don\u2019t interfere in a disease process. There is a time and a season for everything. Repairing psychological damage\u2014attempting to, anyway\u2014is different. The schizophrenics, bipolars\u2014not all are caused by specters, just as not all diseases are caused by demolitionists. But it\u2019s very rare that science loses a human body to disease if its turn on Earth isn\u2019t done. Not so with specter-induced mental illness.<\/p>\n<p>Several hundred demolitionists burst up in rapid succession, coming for us. They\u2019re small, about the size of a barn owl, and usually invisible to all but us.<\/p>\n<p>It takes both my 3-megajoule dispersers and the monk\u2019s behemoth to pop that ambush right on back to hell, for lack of a better word. <em>Technically<\/em> outer darkness either hasn\u2019t been built yet or stands empty awaiting its prisoners once this Earth is cast back into the celestial recycle bin.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHmm,\u201d I say because I can\u2019t keep myself from stating the obvious. \u201cThis is not normal.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The swamp waters aren\u2019t as still as usual. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s the oil or if there are more demons here than the water can hide. With pelts of moss and a slick over it, it should be <em>harder<\/em> to displace than water alone.<\/p>\n<p>A battalion bursts out of the water and charges us. They\u2019re no match for us both, but the sheer number of them is cause for concern.<\/p>\n<p>So. The flooding and oil aren\u2019t the only reasons I have a roving monk at my side.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u2026 the unique dangers.<\/em> I wish I knew what that meant.<\/p>\n<p>Generally, we only make a little headway each night when we hunt. Lucifer replaces the demons almost as fast as we can dispatch them, but never quite fast enough. Out of the hundreds or\u2014like tonight\u2014the thousands that we send back to him in an evening, perhaps collectively, we will have lessened their numbers by a factor of ten.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes I wonder why <em>we<\/em> bother.<\/p>\n<p>The water settles.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t know why we bother,\u201d says the monk wearily.<\/p>\n<p>I look at him sharply. Can he read my mind? I\u2019ve heard it\u2019s a possibility, a gift given to the upper echelons of our kind.<\/p>\n<p>I answer by rote: \u201cSo someone can live and fulfill the measure of their creation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDeb, I heard it in correlation meeting last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. Don\u2019t want or need to hear it while I\u2019m hunting.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019s jaded.<\/p>\n<p>Bitter.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHow old are you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFour twenty-three.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Oh. I\u2019m only fifty-eight. I feel that I\u2019ve missed some important information.<\/p>\n<p>No wonder he didn\u2019t like having a nun\u2014and such a young one\u2014take the dictation.<\/p>\n<p>He knows my name. He probably knows everything about me.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEzekiel Alleyn.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Oh. My. Stars.<\/p>\n<p>The water bubbles and I don\u2019t dare think about <em>him<\/em> as we go about magnifying our callings with weapons powered by cold fusion. Not magic, not supernatural.<\/p>\n<p>Technologically advanced and genetically enhanced.<\/p>\n<p>Like the demons.<\/p>\n<p>Like the hunters.<\/p>\n<p>There is no supernatural, no magic, only puzzles that haven\u2019t been solved. Even we hunters don\u2019t know how most of our technology works, and I\u2019ve always wondered how much the general authorities who build this stuff know.<\/p>\n<p>I figure they get their instructions like Noah did: <em>Here are the blueprints and the supply list. Go to it. Don\u2019t ask any questions.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>The hunters\u2019 DNA is altered when we\u2019re set apart for our callings. I don\u2019t know how that works, either, but considering Jesus healed the blind and the lepers&nbsp;\u2026 <\/p>\n<p>Something brushes up against the back of my leg, wiggles its way between my feet. \u201c<em>Bonjour, mon ami<\/em>.\u201d The smallish \u2019gator flips his tail up behind me, making a splash.<\/p>\n<p>The monk steps away to escape the oil-and-debris rain.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou have a lot of friends here?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n<p>What an odd question. \u201cOf course I do.\u201d <em>He<\/em>, of all people, should know the extent of my enhancements. I couldn\u2019t work this swamp without having the flora and fauna understanding of and sympathetic to my purpose.<\/p>\n<p>The \u2019gator maneuvers through my legs, and around again, making a figure eight, like a cat. He wants my attention, so I trudge to a log and he climbs out of the water so I can scratch his oil-slicked head with my titanium claws.<\/p>\n<p>He <em>almost<\/em> purrs.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>Non, ch\u00e8r<\/em>,\u201d I tell him in Cajun. He doesn\u2019t understand English. \u201cI can\u2019t get rid of him, sorry. He\u2019s my boss.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe\u2019s <em>whining<\/em>, Deb. What are you <em>doing<\/em> to this place?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe\u2019s just a baby.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA baby you\u2019ve spoiled rotten. Tell him to go home. We have work to do.\u201d I translate as kindly as I can and he slides back into the sludge, but not without a swipe of a tail at the back of Ezekiel\u2019s knees.<\/p>\n<p>He glares at me. \u201cYou tell him he better <em>never<\/em> do that again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We spend the night sludging through the swamp, sending demons back to Lucifer. Our dispersers mess with their molecular structure somehow\u2014or at least, that\u2019s how it\u2019s been explained to me.<\/p>\n<p>We don\u2019t speak. Ezekiel\u2014<\/p>\n<p>Oh. My. <em>Stars<\/em>. I can\u2019t <em>believe<\/em> I\u2019m hunting with Ezekiel.<\/p>\n<p>\u2014isn\u2019t familiar with this terrain and I need to keep the awe out of my eyes and voice.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDon\u2019t believe everything you hear,\u201d he mutters.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t like that he can read my mind. I feel&nbsp;\u2026 naked. I don\u2019t look so good naked.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAre you <em>trying<\/em> to mess me up?\u201d I ask. \u201cPick a fight? Because if so, I\u2019ll take some personal time for the rest of the night and let you do this by yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWatch your mouth, Sister Judge.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I gulp. That\u2019s the second time he\u2019s dressed me down tonight, on top of his surliness at being here. It makes me rethink my abilities, my attitude.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDon\u2019t start doubting yourself now,\u201d he grumbles as we trudge through the swamp. \u201cI don\u2019t need a hunter with a self-esteem problem at my back.\u201d I purse my lips. \u201cAnd no, I\u2019m not here to kill you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Good to know. I\u2019m not ready to go back to real life and do normal human things, which, in my case, is nothing useful. I\u2019m not even qualified to fry beignets.<\/p>\n<p>But he sounds as if <em>he<\/em> might like to be released, and the second I think that, he snorts.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cPlease stop doing that,\u201d I say. \u201cSir.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<em>Yet<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I gulp. I don\u2019t know whether he\u2019s out of my head or not. The best I can do is attempt to clear my mind and concentrate on my work.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s probably what he wants.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe, after four hundred and twenty-three years, I\u2019ll want to be released, too, to start life afresh from the prime of life, looks and libido restored, memory erased, to go on and marry and procreate like the rest of everybody.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know, though. I <em>really<\/em> don\u2019t like kids.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhere are you from?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLondon.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That shocks me. \u201cYou sound like you\u2019re from Utah.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m an <em>excellent<\/em> actor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDid you\u2014 Did you ever see any of Shakespeare\u2019s plays?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI worked at the Globe. I was called to this position by King James after he saw me in <em>Henry V<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now my self-esteem is truly in the tank. I have nothing more to say and no questions that I want the answers to.<\/p>\n<p>We work into the wee hours of the morning, dispatching thousands of demons who guard the scientists and demolitionists in varying stages of development. It would have taken me months to finish off that many by myself, but Ezekiel has a mister on his disperser that casts the radiation out like a spray bottle. I don\u2019t have one of those.<\/p>\n<p>Yeah, okay. I\u2019m jealous.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m human. Genetically superior, granted, but still human. I\u2019m as susceptible to heartache and discouragement and envy as any other human. Just like any other calling in the church, you go into it with your personality and abilities as your only strengths\u2014and sometimes those become your weaknesses.<\/p>\n<p>As a hunter, I\u2019m middlin\u2019. I show up on time, do my job pretty well, try to catch a TV series or read a book or two now and again. We have quotas (like every other program in the church), but since this is our job and we\u2019re paid (not well), it\u2019s not like visiting teaching, where you can flake with impunity. My numbers are perfectly average.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m okay with that. The job is stressful enough; I don\u2019t need the added stress of competition. But it\u2019s easy to be okay with it when you work alone, and you were called even though everybody knew you\u2019re average at everything. It\u2019s a little more difficult when you\u2019re working with the High General and you realize you\u2019ve been a little complacent.<\/p>\n<p>He slides a look at me.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s just too much. I don\u2019t care if he is the High General\u2014he has no right to my thoughts, and I\u2019m hurt that the Parents allow it. \u201cI\u2019m going home,\u201d I say, and turn around to find my way out of the swamp, baby \u2019gator at my side.<\/p>\n<p>He doesn\u2019t say a word.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wingding\">\u203b<\/p>\n<div class=\"date\">20260331<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Originally published inMonsters &#038; Mormons\u00a92011 Moriah Jovan10,000 words (34 pages) Buy direct: &nbsp; Amazon Kindle Barnes &#038; Noble Nook Apple iBooks Google Play Books Kobo eBooks A Mormon nun battles demons and insecurity in the Louisiana bayou\u2014with a baby alligator by her side and weapons powered by cold fusion. I SIT IN Relief Society picking [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":6,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-5984","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/5984"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5984"}],"version-history":[{"count":74,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/5984\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25720,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/5984\/revisions\/25720"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5984"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}