{"id":3754,"date":"2013-12-30T17:53:58","date_gmt":"2013-12-30T23:53:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/?page_id=3754"},"modified":"2026-02-23T01:16:00","modified_gmt":"2026-02-23T06:16:00","slug":"cassie04","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/extras\/vignettes-outtakes\/confessions\/cassie04\/","title":{"rendered":"To Live and Die in a Man’s Arms"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

AUTUMN 1998<\/p>\n

Upper East Side, Manhattan<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

IT WAS NICE. Actually, it was really<\/em> nice.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t come,\u201d Nigel said flatly as he levered himself away from between my legs and dropped beside me in bed, both of us naked and sweaty.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t come.\u201d He said it as if I had offended him, yet he pulled me to his chest.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what that means,\u201d I said, never before having had the comfort of resting naked against a man I trusted.<\/p>\n

He groaned. \u201cAn orgasm, Cassie.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ah, yes. I\u2019d heard of those.<\/p>\n

\u201cGod, Cassie, was your life that barren?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNever mind,\u201d he sighed as he pulled off his condom and threw it in the trash. \u201cAt least, when I finish training you<\/em>, I won\u2019t have to train Gordon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSpeaking of, how\u2019s he doing in prison?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nigel grunted. \u201cHell if I know.\u201d<\/p>\n

I pulled away from him. \u201cI thought you were in love with him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoesn\u2019t mean he gets any coddling. He did the crime, he can do the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes he know that you \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHell if I know,\u201d he said again. \u201cNor do I care.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo \u2026 when he gets out, you\u2019re just going to \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

He chuckled that evil chuckle that turned me on. \u201cYes. I\u2019m just going to. He\u2019s a bottom, probably a submissive, possibly a slave. Always has been, always will be.\u201d<\/p>\n

And now I knew what a bottom was, though I believe I missed the sexual nuance of the \u201csubmissive\u201d part and \u2026 slave?<\/p>\n

I had a lot to learn.<\/p>\n

I sighed.<\/p>\n

We lay together for a long time. I had to have slept because I lost time. I only remember awakening on a broad, heavily muscled chest, its hair silver to match the distinguished color on Nigel\u2019s head. He was fifteen years older than I, five years older than Gordon, and at that moment I felt only extraordinarily fortunate that this silver fox was my friend.<\/p>\n

He moved and suddenly there was a big hand pressing a Kleenex against my cheekbones. \u201cAw, Cass,\u201d he sighed.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you dare feel sorry for me,\u201d I muttered, pushing his hand away from my face.<\/p>\n

\u201cHrmph.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d I whispered, hoping he hadn\u2019t heard me. I\u2019d had no reason to thank anyone in years. The words stumbled on their way out of my mouth.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou might want to take that back once you\u2019ve fucked a few men you don\u2019t know. And women.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWomen?\u201d I squeaked.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, yes,\u201d he purred, enjoying my shock. \u201cThere are a lot of wealthy women out there who\u2019d kill for a chance to fuck you. A few million won\u2019t be a drop in the bucket. Fortunately for you, my dear, I have a friend who\u2019ll be happy to teach you. You\u2019ll be thoroughly bisexual by the time she gets through with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, God.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo,\u201d Nigel said briskly. \u201cNow that you\u2019ve at least had the only halfway decent sex of your life, the first thing you\u2019re going to learn is how to suck cock.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Cassie. Remember this: Your client\u2019s pleasure comes first. Don\u2019t ever<\/em> make the mistake of expecting reciprocation. You demanded that I teach you how to be a million-dollar whore, and that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do. Whether you get off or not is irrelevant\u2014do it yourself or find a lover for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

His voice dropped. \u201cAlthough,\u201d he purred. I shivered. I wanted him again. \u201cNow that you\u2019ve coerced me into bed, I find I may be perfectly happy to be your lover as well as your instructor.\u201d<\/p>\n

My breath caught. \u201cI thought you didn\u2019t fuck women,\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n

He swept his hand down my body, lingering at my breast, using his thumb to flick my nipple. I groaned. Then his hand softly, so softly, caressed my belly and on down until he was pressing his fingers between the folds of my vulva.<\/p>\n

I gasped as this \u2026 thing<\/em> hit me. This thing<\/em> I couldn\u2019t describe that pushed me onto my back and forced my knees open and shoved my hips in the air and made my vagina clench at Nigel\u2019s fingers going in and out and his thumb playing with my clit. This thing<\/em> that made me clench my eyes shut, that tore a guttural, animal sound out of my chest. I was panting as it subsided and I slowly opened my eyes to see Nigel over me, smirking at me.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not done,\u201d he muttered, then kissed me like I had never been kissed, deep and dark and rich, his hand still in me, pressing at the front wall of my vagina and massaging\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cOh my God!<\/em>\u201d I almost screamed into his mouth when a different thing<\/em> happened to me, no less devastating to my mind, my muscles, my soul<\/em> than the first thing<\/em>. Then he was there between my knees, pushing into me, lying on top of me, his tongue fucking my mouth while his hips moved, and I almost cried with joy, clenching around his thickness, pulling him into me, meeting him stroke for stroke as we kissed frantically.<\/p>\n

I came for the third time in a row, not quite as devastating as the first and second, but\u2014<\/p>\n

\u201cThat,\u201d he whispered as he nuzzled my neck, panting, \u201cwas an orgasm.\u201d<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t speak. I was too breathless, too weak, too \u2026 euphoric to do anything but hold him close and sob into his shoulder. I didn\u2019t care. Any man who could do that<\/em> to me deserved to see his handiwork to its full and thorough completion. I ran my fingers through his hair and kept his mouth on my neck, my cheek, my throat, my ear.<\/p>\n

Even though I knew what this was, remembered all too well what I\u2019d asked him to do, I had never felt so loved and cherished in my entire life.<\/p>\n

This time, when<\/em> I could speak, the words didn\u2019t stumble. \u201cThank you,\u201d I wept. <\/p>\n

\u201cLesson\u2019s not over, my dear,\u201d he grunted and heaved himself off me to fall on his back next to me. He was still hard and I marveled at that. <\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot because I didn\u2019t want to,\u201d he gritted as he ripped off that condom and pulled on another. \u201cI\u2019m going to teach you how to give exquisite head.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nudged at me almost frantically until I was sitting up beside him. He held his erection in one hand and wrapped my hand around it. \u201cSqueeze,\u201d he breathed. \u201cMove your hand up and down.\u201d<\/p>\n

I did as directed, then he reached up to run his fingers through my hair to gently pull my head down to his still-hard cock.<\/p>\n

I tentatively pressed my lips to the glans. Licked a little. \u201cOpen your mouth. Slide me in. Watch the teeth. Suck.\u201d He gasped. <\/p>\n

I had no idea what I was supposed to do, and the taste of latex was a bit annoying, and I found myself wishing I could feel his skin on my tongue, but\u2014 I had nothing but instinct to go on.<\/p>\n

“Yes, like that. Do it again. Keep sucking. Swirl your tongue around my head, dip into the tip. God, yes<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

I felt him when he came, pumping up into my mouth, his hand in my hair, and I did the best I could, which, considering I\u2019d just made a gay man come, might have been actually halfway decent.<\/p>\n

When his breathing had stilled and his erection faded, I let him pop out of my mouth. I arose just enough to straddle him and lie down on his chest, my mouth at his ear. He wrapped his arms around me and caressed my back.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re going to be asked to do everything under the sun,” he murmured, and I could feel the vibration of his deep voice through my body. \u201cIf you want to command the kind of prices you want, you\u2019ll do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

But now I didn\u2019t know if I could, now that I knew how it was supposed<\/em> to be and wanted more. From him<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve fucked a lot of women in my time, Cassie,\u201d he said, running his fingers through my hair. \u201cI prefer men, and I\u2019ve always preferred low-key ones. No drama. I don\u2019t want to get mixed up in Gordon\u2019s drama, which is why I\u2019m willing to wait until he\u2019s at peace with himself. I haven\u2019t wanted<\/em> a woman in years.\u201d<\/p>\n

It sounded like an accusation. \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d I whispered, but I didn\u2019t know why and now I wanted to cry for a different reason.<\/p>\n

\u201cCassie, look at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to. He\u2019d see I was crying. Again. But I did, and his warm blue eyes held mine. His mouth twitched wryly. \u201cIf I didn\u2019t want to be here, I wouldn\u2019t be.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was shocked. \u201cBut you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve wanted you since I met you, but it gets a little messy when you\u2019re in love with the husband and<\/em> the wife.\u201d My mouth fell open. \u201cAnd so here we are. Cassie, I need you to make a decision. Right here, right now. I do not<\/em> want you to do this and I do not want to teach you, but I will because you\u2019ll get yourself in trouble if you find somebody else.\u201d<\/p>\n

I felt like I had to justify my decision. Again. \u201cBut I don\u2019t know how to do anything else,\u201d I said weakly. \u201cI have no marketable skills. No assets to invest. The only asset I have is my beauty and I don\u2019t know what else I can do with it. I need the skill to go with it and I need it fast and I can\u2019t get that any other way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBe my<\/em> mistress and you won\u2019t have to worry about anything ever again.\u201d<\/p>\n

I had felt so loved, so cherished. He\u2019d admitted<\/em> he was in love with me, so those feelings hadn\u2019t been my imagination. But if ever I had the notion that I was or could ever be in love with Nigel Tracey, it had just gone down in a ball of flame. He was no better than Gordon or my father-in-law or my father, and suddenly I hurt so badly I could barely stand it. Was I so starved for affection\u2014for love\u2014that I was willing to whore for the one man who would just be marking time with me until my ex-husband got out of prison?<\/p>\n

I\u2019d rather whore myself out to any number of rich strangers, men or women or both, than put myself through that agony.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo thanks,\u201d I said with a watery smile, because I wanted to kick him out of my house\u2014out of my life<\/em>\u2014but I still needed him. \u201cMy mind\u2019s made up.\u201d<\/p>\n

★<\/p>\n

\nCassie Part 1<\/a>
\nCassie Part 2<\/a>
\nCassie Part 3<\/a>
\nCassie Part 4<\/span>
\nCassie Part 5<\/a>\n<\/div>\n
20260223<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

AUTUMN 1998 Upper East Side, Manhattan IT WAS NICE. Actually, it was really nice. \u201cYou didn\u2019t come,\u201d Nigel said flatly as he levered himself away from between my legs and dropped beside me in bed, both of us naked and sweaty. \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cYou didn\u2019t come.\u201d He said it as if I had offended him, yet […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":1599,"menu_order":4320,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-3754","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/3754"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3754"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/3754\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23586,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/3754\/revisions\/23586"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1599"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3754"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}