{"id":13105,"date":"2025-08-15T12:47:07","date_gmt":"2025-08-15T17:47:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/?page_id=13105"},"modified":"2026-02-22T19:14:58","modified_gmt":"2026-02-23T00:14:58","slug":"fatted-calf","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/extras\/vignettes-outtakes\/dirty-little-secrets\/fatted-calf\/","title":{"rendered":"Fatted Calf"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

AUGUST 2008<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\u201cI JUST TALKED to my sister.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle blinked at Bryce\u2019s uncharacteristic lack of lascivious greeting whenever he called her. She stopped at the stoplight and adjusted her earpiece. \u201cUm. Okay? And?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy brother died.\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t quite know how to react to that. \u201cOh. I\u2019m sorry?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce sighed heavily. \u201cI \u2026 don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did the conversation go?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTerse,\u201d he said tersely. \u201cShe was irritated that she had to spend so much time looking for my number since she had no idea where I was. Her granddaughter finally googled. Voil\u00e0.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo \u2026 nothing changed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cApparently not.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes she want you to go out for the funeral or was she just informing you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe made it clear I should bother to show up since I didn\u2019t for my parents\u2019 funerals.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle gasped. \u201cShe doesn\u2019t know<\/em> you were in a coma?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou never told your siblings what happened to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat for?\u201d he asked bitterly. \u201cThey wrote me off long ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know \u2026 \u201d she ventured. \u201cMaybe they were just jealous \u2026 ?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t play devil\u2019s advocate, Giselle,\u201d he flatly. \u201cI don\u2019t give a shit why<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI meant that as a compliment to you,\u201d she said in a small voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cHrmph.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen\u2019s the funeral?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDay after tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle groaned. \u201cAnd you\u2019re in the middle of a trial.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can get a continuance.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou just don\u2019t know if you want to and it\u2019s do-or-die time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight.\u201d He paused. \u201cShe wanted to make sure I\u2019d be bringing Meryl.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle hesitated. \u201cDidn\u2019t google far enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me know,\u201d she said with fake cheer, \u201cand I\u2019ll make arrangements if you decide to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you out and about?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCome by for lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d she said immediately, even though she was on her way to a meeting.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Giselle?\u201d he said in a lower voice. \u201cI wanna fuck you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle smiled and felt herself blush even though nobody was watching. \u201cI love you, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

THEY TOUCHED DOWN in San Diego two days later after a very silent ride in a chartered jet, Giselle sitting on the couch stroking Bryce\u2019s face and hair while he tried to sleep. He hadn\u2019t slept at all the night before.<\/p>\n

Knox, who\u2019d begged to come along for the ride, was toward the front, working on his laptop.<\/p>\n

They were dressed for a funeral. Sort of. In general, Mormons didn\u2019t particularly care about black for funerals and Bryce didn\u2019t look as good in a black suit as he did olive. Giselle wore a modest red dress and low red chunky heels that matched his tie.<\/p>\n

Bryce had raised an eyebrow at her. \u201cIs that your \u2018fuck you\u2019 dress?\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle grinned, which made him laugh for the first time in two days. \u201cIf it\u2019s good enough for Kate Middleton, it\u2019s good enough for a funeral. The baby bump is the \u2018fuck you\u2019 part.\u201d She paused. \u201cKnox is your<\/em> personal \u2018fuck you.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox snorted and adjusted his tie.<\/p>\n

Once Bryce and Knox were perfectly put together, Bryce handed her into the hired car as Knox slid in the other side, and gave the driver the address to the chapel where Mark Kenard\u2019s viewing and service would be held. It was a tense ride and Giselle held Bryce\u2019s hand in both of hers all the way, noting that his grip tightened as they got closer. She didn\u2019t know which part he dreaded most, but the only thing she could do was offer comfort in the way he needed it most, to be touched lovingly, her body pressed against his as if to leach off some of his anger.<\/p>\n

Tense, angry, bitter, without a hint of grief except at the way his family treated him was not a good way to go to a funeral.<\/p>\n

Giselle didn\u2019t know what to expect except perhaps a whole lot of older people. Bryce was forty-two, but his oldest sibling was sixty. Mark shouldn\u2019t have died this young, but considering Bryce had already gotten to death\u2019s door, he didn\u2019t worry about his own mortality.<\/p>\n

They made a stir when they walked into the chapel\u2019s gym, but two big men in sharp, expensive suits and a small woman in red between them wouldn\u2019t go unnoticed.<\/p>\n

She picked out Bryce\u2019s sister Serena immediately. She had thinning orange hair dull only by dint of the white running through it. She was tall and stocky, like Bryce, thick but not overweight. She, too, would tan easily in the sun, and the wrinkles showed it. She was fifty-seven or fifty-eight, if Giselle remembered correctly. She was wearing a staid black Chanel-ish skirt suit. Other people weren\u2019t wearing anything less somber, even if it wasn\u2019t black.<\/p>\n

There were a lot<\/em> of people here.<\/p>\n

Serena hadn\u2019t seen them yet. She was standing in the family line, several people removed from the casket, Mark\u2019s widow, and, Giselle assumed, their adult children all in a row. On Serena\u2019s left was a distinguished older man. She was speaking with the next person in a line of mourners queueing up at the open casket.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019d he die of, again?\u201d Knox muttered.<\/p>\n

Bryce hesitated. \u201cI \u2026 forgot to ask.\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox gaped at him.<\/p>\n

Bryce shrugged with a helpless grimace. \u201cMy estranged sister calls me out of the blue after thirty years and I\u2019m supposed to remember all the niceties?\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox grunted. \u201cAre you going to be expected to stand with the family?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not family,\u201d Bryce snapped.<\/p>\n

Giselle squeezed his hand again, and he squeezed back.<\/p>\n

The sister\u2019s husband had seen them and nudged her. Serena looked up and straight at Bryce, but it was clear she didn\u2019t recognize him. Her gaze settled on Giselle and her mouth tightened. She leaned into her husband and said something in his ear. He nodded and detached himself from the family to unobtrusively make his way around the perimeter of the cultural hall toward them.<\/p>\n

\u201cDesignated bouncer,\u201d Giselle muttered.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlways has been,\u201d Bryce muttered back.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello,\u201d he said as he closed in on them. \u201cCan I help you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re here for Mark Kenard\u2019s funeral,\u201d Knox said when Bryce remained silent. Silence was one of Bryce\u2019s intimidation tactics, and Knox wielded graciousness like a weapon. He reached out a hand and shook the other man\u2019s. \u201cKnox Hilliard. You\u2019re Orin Prindle.\u201d<\/p>\n

The glimmer of faint recognition of the name went across his face, but he took Knox\u2019s hand and shook it firmly, saying only, \u201cYes. Do I \u2026 know you from somewhere?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

That was all he said, which flustered Bryce\u2019s brother-in-law. He looked at Bryce, who could give a statue a run for its money, then at Giselle.<\/p>\n

\u201cGiselle Kenard,\u201d she said smoothly, introducing her husband to his own family. \u201cThis is my husband, Bryce.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man\u2019s jaw dropped and he looked Bryce fully in the face. \u201cAh \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce graced the man with his most bitter and villainous smile. \u201cOrin. Questions can wait until after the dedication of the grave. Can\u2019t they.\u201d It wasn\u2019t a request. It was an order.<\/p>\n

\u201cUm \u2026 certainly. Bryce.\u201d His glance slid uncertainly to Giselle. \u201cSister Kenard.\u201d She let that stand. She liked the way it sounded. Then he addressed Knox, whose identity he should certainly now<\/em> be crystal clear on. \u201cBrother Hilliard.\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox smiled with genuine warmth. He must like the way that sounded, too. \u201cShall we?\u201d Knox said smoothly, gesturing for the man to let them pass.<\/p>\n

He did.<\/p>\n

The three of them were eye-catching to all but the widow and her children. \u201cDo we like her?\u201d Giselle whispered up at Bryce.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle blinked up at him in shock.<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom what I understand, she was no more welcome than I was.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did that happen?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe has \u2026 \u201d Bryce stalled out. \u201cShe has odd ideas about the church.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow odd?\u201d<\/p>\n

He hesitated. \u201cMore like yours. I think. If I remember the dinner-table chatter right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox tried to stifle his sudden laugh. \u201cFuck me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe put up a good front for years,\u201d Bryce muttered reluctantly. \u201cI guess she couldn\u2019t take it anymore and started letting loose at family dinners. I was a kid. I didn\u2019t understand. I just knew Mark and my dad were angry at her. Dad chalked it up to her being from one of the Mexican colonies, too far removed from the \u2018real\u2019 church to understand the proper way of things.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle gestured toward the crying widow. \u201cShe looks sad enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce shrugged. \u201cI don\u2019t know what happened with them once I left on my mission. I doubt Mark came around, though. Well,\u201d he amended after a slight pause. \u201cMaybe he did. Who knows.\u201d<\/p>\n

The conversation ceased as they got in the very long line to the casket. Though they attracted some attention, nobody approached them, but people were usually too into their own grief and the family\u2019s to be sociable to strangers. So Giselle was startled when Serena appeared at Bryce\u2019s elbow. She wasn\u2019t as tall as he, but only by a couple of inches. She towered over Giselle.<\/p>\n

\u201cBryce,\u201d she growled, \u201cget in the family line.\u201d Bryce turned that intimidating stare on her, but she snapped, \u201cDad did that better than you do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle gasped, which attracted her attention. \u201cAnd you. How dare you show up in something so irreverent. Where is Meryl? And the children?\u201d She snarled at Knox. \u201cAnd of course<\/em> you would be here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWouldn\u2019t\u2019a missed it for the world,\u201d he returned cheerfully. \u201cI find the Kenard family very<\/em> entertaining.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle snickered.<\/p>\n

\u201cSerena,\u201d Bryce rumbled, \u201cyou asked me to come. I\u2019m here. If this is the best welcome I can expect, we\u2019ll leave and I\u2019ll bill you for our expenses.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI had<\/em> to ask you to be here because you couldn\u2019t be bothered to come to Mom and Dad\u2019s without an invitation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce\u2019s whole body turned to iron and Giselle squeezed his hand, but Knox took the opportunity. \u201cHe was a little too preoccupied to get to your parents\u2019 funerals.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoing what?\u201d she demanded.<\/p>\n

\u201cLying in a coma in a burn unit in Kansas City for a year,\u201d he replied with a blas\u00e9 smile. \u201cNotice his face?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMeryl died, as did the children,\u201d Giselle interjected coolly, inspecting her manicure, which would tell both Bryce and Knox she was about to get seriously catty. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you know that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Serena stared at Bryce, her mouth hanging open. \u201cOh, Bryce,\u201d she whispered, touching his arm lightly.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t touch me.\u201d<\/p>\n

She snatched her hand away, still looking horrified, but now layered, mixed, too many things in this situation to be horrified by.<\/p>\n

\u201cBryce, let\u2019s go,\u201d Giselle said.<\/p>\n

He gave her a soft smile. \u201cI\u2019d like to say hi to Ilora.\u201d<\/p>\n

And probably find out if she was as much a renegade now as Bryce thought she might have been. Giselle looked at Serena and murmured, \u201cGet away from my husband, you venomous bitch. Bryce won\u2019t slap you but I will and I don\u2019t have a problem making a scene. I\u2019m wearing red for a reason<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Serena stepped back, aghast, her hand flat on her chest, then she scurried off. Again, she whispered something to her husband, who looked at Bryce then whispered something back.<\/p>\n

\u201cWise man,\u201d Knox muttered. \u201cNot gonna take on a savage.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMmm hm,\u201d Bryce replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s big but he\u2019s old,\u201d Knox pointed out.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s always been a coward. He could\u2019ve given me a good fight twenty-five years ago. He wouldn\u2019t have won, but he\u2019d have been able to get a few good hits in. He was just too scared to try, even when Serena made it clear she wanted him to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would she want that?\u201d Giselle asked, confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo punish me for not being Dad because he wouldn\u2019t take me on, either. He could<\/em>, but that wasn\u2019t his preferred weapon and his worked. Her husband couldn\u2019t weaponize a disappointed look. Why change what works?\u201d<\/p>\n

Serena and Orin\u2019s adult children began to approach him to say hello hesitantly after Serena hunted them all down and whispered in their ears. Either they didn\u2019t know or remember that they had another uncle or<\/em> they couldn\u2019t believe he\u2019d actually shown up, because they looked at him as if he were a mirage. They were cordial but reserved, which, Giselle understood, was just a family trait and probably didn\u2019t mean anything. Bryce was just as reserved, but charming when he had no need to be intimidating.<\/p>\n

Then the niblings drifted away and she, Bryce, and Knox were getting closer to Mark\u2019s children. The three of them ignored Serena and her husband on their way to the first of Bryce\u2019s nephews from Mark. Mark\u2019s kids knew who Bryce was, but seemed to be taken aback by the fact that he wasn\u2019t a fairy tale, an object lesson. Don\u2019t be like your Uncle Bryce, children.<\/em><\/p>\n

Giselle didn\u2019t know that had ever been said, but if they\u2019d been poisoned, they were hiding it well.<\/p>\n

Finally, they reached Mark\u2019s widow. \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2026 ?\u201d she asked vaguely. Giselle wasn\u2019t sure she was all here anyway, for which Giselle couldn\u2019t blame her. Her husband was over there in a casket.<\/p>\n

\u201cBryce Kenard,\u201d he said gently, or at least to Giselle\u2019s ears. His voice was too rough to convey that to strangers. \u201cMark and Serena\u2019s younger brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her mouth fell open as she gaped up at him, then she did the damnedest thing: She threw herself in his arms and began to sob. \u201cOh, Bryce!\u201d<\/p>\n

Startled, Giselle and Knox stepped back, but though Bryce was knocked off balance, he gingerly wrapped his arms around his sister-in-law, who wore her age well. He hesitantly patted her back, casting Giselle a glance of pure confusion.<\/p>\n

She finally pulled away from him and cry-laughed with some embarrassment, wiping her face with no grace whatsoever. \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she whispered, now not looking at him as she tried to regain her composure. \u201cI didn\u2019t mean to\u2014\u201d She waved a hand in frustration. \u201cWhatever. Anyway, I\u2019m so happy you\u2019re here. Can you stay a couple of days?\u201d<\/p>\n

Then Bryce\u2019s jaw dropped. \u201cUm \u2026 I hadn\u2019t planned to, but \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI need to talk to you,\u201d she said earnestly. \u201cAlone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm \u2026 well. Okay,\u201d he said doubtfully.<\/p>\n

Satisfied, she turned to Giselle, her brow wrinkling in confusion. \u201cMeryl, you\u2019ve \u2026 changed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not Meryl,\u201d Giselle said flatly. \u201cShe\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ilora gasped, then said, \u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n

That was an odd reaction. Most people scurried to say I\u2019m so sorry!<\/em>, or at least adopt a sad look, but again, this was a grieving widow.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is Giselle,\u201d Bryce said. \u201cMy wife. And Knox Hilliard, my best friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

She said polite hellos to Giselle, then looked at Knox. \u201cI remember you. And I\u2019ve heard a lot more about you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox\u2019s mouth twisted. \u201cAll of it bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

She grimaced a little, but said, \u201cYes, but I \u2026 considered the source.\u201d Giselle and Knox looked at each other, surprised. She looked back up at Bryce. \u201cThat\u2019s part of what I want to talk to you about.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm \u2026 okay \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

They moved on, toward the casket and looked down at a peacefully slumbering man, his robe over his shoulder, his green apron barely visit. His hair was pure white although his eyebrows still had faint traces of red.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust like my dad,\u201d Bryce muttered, his bitterness back.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes that bother you?\u201d Giselle asked quietly. \u201cThat you don\u2019t look like him? Don\u2019t have red hair?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged slightly. Noncommittally.<\/p>\n

\u201cLike, if you looked like him, you could be like him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMebbe,\u201d he mumbled.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe does look like his dad,\u201d Knox corrected quietly. \u201cBut the difference in coloring is so marked that that\u2019s all you really see. Like Jack and his dad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve heard that before,\u201d Bryce said as if from far away. \u201cNot often. I didn\u2019t take it seriously. My mother was a quarter Apache, so \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid he wonder if you were his?\u201d Giselle asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf he did, I don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

The way he answered made it clear to Giselle that he\u2019d wondered that himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe didn\u2019t treat my mother badly, so I\u2019ve always assumed he didn\u2019t have any doubts.\u201d<\/p>\n

Good point. His father probably would\u2019ve treated an adulterous wife like shit. Then again, his dad was so passive-aggressive, it might have gone on behind closed doors and no one would have ever known.<\/p>\n

It was when he began crushing her hand again that she laid her other hand on his arm and said quietly, \u201cAres. Let\u2019s go find a seat.\u201d<\/p>\n

As she and Bryce left the gym, Knox broke away to slip the line to hand Ilora his card, then followed them into the chapel, where Giselle found a side pew toward the back and slipped in, Bryce after her. Knox, last in, relaxed and pulled out his phone to play Angry Birds. Bryce was still stiff and Giselle laid her arm along the back of the pew behind him and massaged his scars. He nearly deflated, then bent over, bracing his elbows on his knees, his head down like a recalcitrant seventeen-year-old priest. She traded sober glances with Knox over his back. She closed her eyes, sighed, and shook her head while she continued to minister to her husband.<\/p>\n

The service was long and Bryce never moved. Mark Kenard was a stranger to Giselle, so everything said was a blur and made no impact on how she saw Bryce. To her, Bryce was a singular individual with no ties to anyone but a college roommate. That he had a family of origin was an abstraction to her. That he had been someone other than a savage was also an abstraction.<\/p>\n

Not a bad word was said about Mark, but that was to be expected. People who spoke ill of the dead if they deserved it were Giselle\u2019s kind of people, but other than her family, she had met very few of those. To be fair, she didn\u2019t know enough about the man to speak ill of him anyway.<\/p>\n

It vaguely occurred to her that the three of them were here in church, where they\u2019d all begun life, where they\u2019d all spent their youths and adolescences and early twenties, where, for the last fifteen years, they\u2019d either been loath to go or not been allowed to go. It didn\u2019t matter it was a chapel none of them had been in before, it was church<\/em>. It was as natural as breathing to all of them. No explanations necessary. All habits fully ingrained. They were home.<\/p>\n

They bowed their heads for the prayers. They said \u201camen\u201d where appropriate. They sang the hymn. Well, Giselle and Knox did. Bryce didn\u2019t move except to nudge her hand one way or another where he wanted more scratches.<\/p>\n

Finally, the closing prayer had been said. Bryce sat up with a heavy sigh. They waited for the ushers to begin dismissing everyone, but Ilora didn\u2019t move, so no one else did, either.<\/p>\n

Trumpets faded in from the speakers, the first two notes making it clear what<\/em> it was, the volume and bass far above acceptable church levels. Giselle gasped with everyone else, Knox started to laugh, and Bryce sat with an expression of wonder and hope.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlso sprach Zarathustra\u201d faded out, but more music faded in, music everyone<\/em> was familiar with, and that<\/em> was when the casket was wheeled out the door and the ushers began dismissing rows one by one. The music kept on coming, one space opera theme after another, Star Trek<\/em>, Star Wars<\/em>, Battlestar Galactica<\/em>, Alien<\/em>. Finally, their row was dismissed and they stood, walking out to the love theme from Superman<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoly fuck.\u201d Knox was still laughing as they left the building. \u201cHe was clearly not as much of a tight-ass as your dad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh \u2026 \u201d Bryce managed, clearly stunned. \u201cI guess?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re going to get in the funeral procession,\u201d Knox told the driver once he\u2019d slipped into the car beside Giselle. \u201cWhile we\u2019re there, can you get us reservations at the Del Coronado? Two rooms beach-side, please.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd then Walmart,\u201d Giselle muttered. \u201cWe brought nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you available the rest of the week?\u201d Bryce rumbled.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

GISELLE, BRYCE, AND Knox stood in back of the mourners at the grave site, bowed their heads on cue, said \u201camen\u201d on cue as they had during the service, and generally did what people do at a grave site: Watch and listen.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t take long to dedicate a grave, but there were a lot of people who wanted to say a few things because they didn\u2019t get to say them during the service.<\/p>\n

Once it was over, they stayed there while people chatted and dispersed slowly, eventually leaving a clear view to Bryce\u2019s family. Giselle presumed they were staying put so that the family could arrange to meet with them later, but Bryce had no intention of approaching them.<\/p>\n

He was going to make them come to him.<\/p>\n

She slipped her arm through his and pressed her fingertips into his back, into his scars where he hurt the most, and she could feel his muscles rippling in response. She couldn\u2019t muster up words to help him, but she could do this.<\/p>\n

It took a long while before Serena looked at them, her expression commanding. Come here.<\/em><\/p>\n

He crossed his arms over his chest. No.<\/em><\/p>\n

Her mouth tightened, and she began the long trek toward them.<\/p>\n

Bryce 1, Serena 0.<\/em><\/p>\n

It was probably the first time she\u2019d ever been disobeyed by anybody.<\/p>\n

When she got within polite conversing distance, she said, \u201cBryce.\u201d She cast glances at Giselle, on one side of Bryce, and Knox, on the other. \u201cCome to the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. If you want to talk, name a restaurant. Tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

She looked stunned. \u201cWhat happened<\/em> to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGrew into my paws.\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox barked a laugh.<\/p>\n

Her nostrils flared. \u201cDad would\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do not give two shits what Dad would do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her mouth dropped open. \u201cYou watch your mouth!\u201d she hissed.<\/p>\n

\u201cOr what?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her eyes went wide.<\/p>\n

Giselle watched this little war and wondered if the Bryce whom Knox had known all those years ago would have folded or if he\u2019d just resentfully submitted. This was not Giselle\u2019s fight, so she\u2019d keep her mouth shut.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2014 I\u2014\u201d She couldn\u2019t seem to form words. \u201cYou\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSay what you need to say. Lay it all out. Here or at Waffle House, I don\u2019t care.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now she just looked confused. \u201cWaffle\u2014?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr Island Prime. I\u2019m not particular.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nice pivot.<\/p>\n

Serena rolled her eyes up to the sky and took a deep breath. \u201cIf you would be so kind,\u201d she said with tight resignation, \u201cplease<\/em> come to the house. I\u2019m sure Ilora would appreciate it. She has always liked you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nobody else did.<\/em> Giselle heard that loud and clear, but was it a power play or not?<\/p>\n

There was a long silence, but Giselle really didn\u2019t know what would be the return volley here. \u201cFine.\u201d He pulled his phone out of his pocket. \u201cAddress?\u201d<\/p>\n

After supplying it, Serena turned and trudged across the grass to greet and direct the rest of her\u2014Bryce\u2019s<\/em>\u2014family perhaps forty yards away. She spoke to her husband who looked over his shoulder at them.<\/p>\n

\u201cHer clothes are expensive, but they\u2019re a little shabby,\u201d Giselle observed, but not with judgment.<\/p>\n

\u201cOrin\u2019s Rolex is real,\u201d Knox said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t remember what he does.\u201d Bryce took a deep breath. \u201cAll right, Wife. Let\u2019s get this over with.\u201d<\/p>\n

The three of them headed to their car, which was at least three cemetery blocks away. Bryce handed Giselle in.<\/p>\n

\u201cReservations?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle detour first.\u201d Bryce gave the driver the address. \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle looked at Knox. \u201cHow different is he from your UCLA roomie?\u201d<\/p>\n

She felt Bryce start, and Knox was a little surprised at the question, too. He shrugged and gestured to Bryce. \u201cI mean, he is now what I knew he could become<\/em>. The whole good Mormon boy righteous priesthood holder just wasn\u2019t \u2026 it didn\u2019t fit. I mean, he was<\/em> that, but it was like a suit that was fifty years out of date and three sizes too small.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd how do you fit into his family?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was the thorn in everybody\u2019s paw,\u201d he drawled, making Bryce chuckle reluctantly. \u201cI\u2019m not sure why I was allowed to spend so much time with them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were a lesser rebellion than what I could have been doing,\u201d Bryce rumbled. \u201cYou went to church. Regardless your sacrilegious opinions, you were doing everything right. You didn\u2019t go on a mission, no, but Dad understood that you wanted<\/em> to, but your uncle wouldn\u2019t let you and why, and that you were bitter about it. Knew you wanted to get married in the temple. That you knew your theology. But you were nineteen years old and you just couldn\u2019t resist forcing him to defend his positions and he couldn\u2019t. The only warning he could legitimately give me was not to let your views color mine. And then he\u2019d point to The Miracle of Forgiveness<\/em> again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle snarled and Knox growled. That made Bryce chuckle a little in spite of himself.<\/p>\n

The block they turned onto was a standard southern California mid-scale tract housing suburb, complete with peachy-tan stucco and red barrel tile roofs, quite some distance from the beach.<\/p>\n

Surfing was not on their itinerary.<\/p>\n

Unless \u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cBryce, do you want to go surfing while we\u2019re here?\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked at her sharply. \u201cI \u2026 hadn\u2019t thought about it \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut \u2026 ? I mean, we\u2019re staying for a while, I guess? So \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI like that idea,\u201d Knox pronounced. \u201cThe concierge at The Del can get us gear, but I don\u2019t want to surf that beach.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe neither,\u201d Bryce said slowly, as if his mind hadn\u2019t switched gears.<\/p>\n

\u201cJustice won\u2019t be mad?\u201d Giselle asked. \u201cWe were supposed to be home tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s find out.\u201d Knox pulled his phone out. \u201cMiss McKinley! Hey, do you mind if I stay a couple-three days longer so I can go surfing?\u201d He listened, then scowled. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to sound so fucking happy about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle laughed.<\/p>\n

\u201cShit\u2019s weird,\u201d he answered to whatever question Justice had asked. \u201cWe were summoned to the house, which we didn\u2019t plan for, so it\u2019s probably gonna get weirder, and Bryce\u2019s family wants to have pow-wows tomorrow. \u2026 After a funeral service, the family gathers at the widow\u2019s house to eat food other people dropped off. \u2026 No, it\u2019s SOP for funerals in most cultures. Sometimes the women in a congregation make a meal for the family to eat there at the church, but that didn\u2019t happen today, so it\u2019s at the house. \u2026 Yes, that\u2019s why they\u2019re called funeral potatoes. \u2026 Family preference. \u2026 Mmm, okay. Love you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce still looked a little dazed. \u201cWell \u2026 sure. I guess. Why not? Thank you, Wife.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle smiled at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you do that?\u201d he murmured.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKnow what I need.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m a good guesser?\u201d<\/p>\n

He laughed and kissed her palm.<\/p>\n

The car drew up in front of a house with a ton of cars in the driveway and up and down the street. Bryce handed her out and Knox emerged from the other side. The car drove off to await their text to retrieve them.<\/p>\n

\u201cAres,\u201d Giselle said low, pulling Bryce\u2019s ear toward her, \u201cI love you. Knox loves you. My mother thinks you hung the moon. You have a family<\/em> now. I know they suffocate you and you have issues with how they treat me, but the closeness here that you don\u2019t feel a part of, that is what you have with us. You belong not just to me, but us<\/em>. This isn\u2019t about sex or romance or a comfortable husband-wife relationship. It\u2019s about family<\/em>. A family that respects<\/em> you, who you are now. \u2018If I\u2019m asked to name my proudest attainment, I will say: I have slept with Bryce Kenard. I had earned it.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

When he drew away a little to look into her face, his mouth was tight and his eyes glittering, his jaw clenching. He stroked a knuckle down her cheek and whispered, \u201c\u2018Show me the woman a man sleeps with and I will tell you his evaluation of himself.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWrap up the pep rally. I need to get on a board.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce and Giselle turned stony looks on Knox, who smiled blithely.<\/p>\n

But they were all a lot less tense when they entered the house and saw the many people milling about with food and drink in their hands. Lots<\/em> of people in a relatively small<\/em> space. She expected that. Lots of children of varying ages, too.<\/p>\n

What she did not<\/em> expect was the swarm of people who descended upon Bryce as if they\u2019d been waiting for him. He was taken aback, but his cocktail party charm slowly emerged as he realized these people were not here to look down on him, preach at him, or berate him. They were curious. They were friendly.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis isn\u2019t how the prodigal son goes,\u201d Knox muttered in her ear.<\/p>\n

Giselle let Bryce go to give these ostensible groupies space to fawn over him and stepped back to stand in an unobtrusive corner with Knox.<\/p>\n

\u201cWant something?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust water, thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox disappeared and she stood there and watched her husband relax as he started to trust that what seemed to be, really was. He was hers<\/em>, and she realized that this was what Leah had felt about Knox: What Leah and Giselle each had done with their men had been wrong<\/em> according to what they had always been taught and certainly not consistent with their personalities, but it had been oh, so right. No downside.<\/p>\n

\u201cFound some lil smokies for you,\u201d Knox muttered when he reappeared at her side with a styrofoam bowl of cocktail sausages swimming in a generic, probably sweet, barbecue sauce, a plastic spork, and a red Solo cup of ice water.<\/p>\n

\u201cOooh, thanks. The sauce is going to blow my carb count for the day, though.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHi.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both Giselle and Knox started and looked around, then down. It was a girl, maybe about ten. \u201cHi.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you Aunt Meryl?\u201d<\/p>\n

Instant rage. She\u2019s just a little girl she\u2019s just a little girl she\u2019s just a little girl.<\/em> Giselle should have known that would be on the agenda. \u201cUm. No. I\u2019m Aunt Giselle. Aunt Meryl died. What do you know about Uncle Bryce?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy grandma says he left us and never came back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGrandma Serena?\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I mean, technically correct, which is the best kind of correct. Your uncle Bryce didn\u2019t think he was wanted here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox poked his elbow in her back, but she ignored him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened to his face?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe caught on fire. He almost died.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh. It looks like it hurts.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt did. It still does. His whole left side looks like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

The girl leaned to her left to look around Giselle. \u201cWho are you?\u201d she asked Knox.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m your uncle Bryce\u2019s best friend. Knox.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere did you come from?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKansas City.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her face hardened. \u201cThe Chiefs<\/em>,\u201d she growled.<\/p>\n

Giselle and Knox both burst out laughing. \u201cYes. And our family has a box at Arrowhead Stadium.\u201d<\/p>\n

She gasped. \u201cYou do<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle nodded.<\/p>\n

She gestured toward Bryce and said, \u201cSo that\u2019s where he lives?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYep. What\u2019s your name?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLeda.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle was utterly delighted. \u201cThe Spartan queen!\u201d<\/p>\n

She looked confused. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn Greek mythology, Leda was the queen of Sparta. Also, it\u2019s the name of a ballet, Leda and the Swan<\/em>. I was named after a ballet, too.\u201d Giselle handed her food and drink to Knox, dug in her pocket and pulled out her phone, swiped to her contacts, and handed it to the girl. \u201cDeets, please. I\u2019ll send you links.\u201d<\/p>\n

The excited look on her face was priceless. She took the phone and quickly thumbed in her number.<\/p>\n

\u201cLeda!\u201d came a sharp older female voice from across the room behind them.<\/p>\n

Her face collapsed. \u201cI gotta go,\u201d she muttered.<\/p>\n

\u201cSerena\u2019s gonna kill you if you lead her astray,\u201d Knox muttered in her ear.<\/p>\n

Giselle laughed wickedly and took her phone. \u201cThank you, Leda. It was nice to meet you.\u201d She squatted in front of the girl and said seriously, \u201cI want you to think about what marvelous and wonderful thing you want to be or have when you grow up. If you are able to do that thing, and do it well, I want you to do it regardless of what anybody else thinks. Understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

The girl nodded soberly, then slipped through the throng of mourners as Giselle straightened.<\/p>\n

\u201cTook him thirty-five years and a house fire to bust out,\u201d Knox reminded her, gesturing to Bryce.<\/p>\n

\u201cTook you twenty-five years and one serial killer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTook you twenty years and one glance at a savage.\u201d<\/p>\n

She gave him a hateful glance.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not going to apologize for keeping you two apart for fifteen years.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYanno, it might actually have worked.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it would not have,\u201d he insisted again, as he had continually since Bryce and Giselle remembered their history together. \u201cDid you notice<\/em> I\u2019m a known entity here? I know<\/em> him. Knew him. I\u2019ve told you this four times now: He needed to grow up and you needed to glow up. You could never<\/em> have done that together. You\u2019re welcome.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle released an irritated sigh.<\/p>\n

\u201cGiselle!\u201d<\/p>\n

She went to her tiptoes to see where Bryce\u2019s voice had come from and then it was her turn to slip through the mourners to find Bryce with his arm out, welcoming her with a smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is my wife, Giselle,\u201d he said warmly, drawing her to his side. He introduced her to his interlocutor, but she\u2019d never remember the name in a million years and it didn\u2019t matter anyway, but she smiled and shook hands. The post-funeral gathering was slowly, inexorably turning into a meet-and-greet for Bryce Kenard, San Diego church royalty\u2019s prodigal son.<\/p>\n

For the next hour or so, Giselle stuck with Bryce, relaxed and chatting with various people who remembered Bryce as a child, a teen, and a young man. It was a glimpse of the Bryce who existed before July 14, 2001, and she was fascinated. He was open, happy. Every once in a while, she looked around for his sister and brother-in-law\u2014 Wait. Giselle\u2019s<\/em> sister-in-law and brother-in-law! \u2014and saw them stiffly chatting with people. She oughtn\u2019t judge because this was<\/em> a funeral and they were grieving, so her impressions were informed by circumstance. Every once in a while she\u2019d catch Serena looking at her and Bryce, but not with anger. With confusion.<\/p>\n

Who is that man?<\/em><\/p>\n

Well, Serena was married soon after Bryce was born and started having kids not long after that. She wouldn\u2019t know him even if he\u2019d never left. She was an entire generation older than he was.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what do you do back there in Kansas City?\u201d asked many someones over and over again.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m an attorney,\u201d he answered over and over again.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, where\u2019d you serve your mission again?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cScotland.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, that\u2019s where your dad was from! How lucky!\u201d<\/p>\n

Neither being a returned missionary nor an attorney were remarkable in the least bit in Mormon circles, but Bryce had a subtle charisma that just seeped into a room.<\/p>\n

Knox was a gifted storyteller.<\/p>\n

\u00c9tienne was an attention whore.<\/p>\n

Emilio was a showman.<\/p>\n

Jack was a carnival barker, or at least, that was the way Lydia described him. To Giselle, he was just a hyperactive five-year-old all hopped up on sugar who hadn\u2019t slept in three days, and she honestly didn\u2019t know how Lydia put up with him.<\/p>\n

Bryce \u2026 it would take a while for people to realize they\u2019d stopped being intimidated by him and started being charmed. He did it to juries all the time, and she could tell when people stopped seeing his scars and started seeing him<\/em>. He wasn\u2019t in protection mode at the moment. Wasn\u2019t feeling threatened. Wasn\u2019t suspicious.<\/p>\n

\u201cWow, look at you, all grown up!\u201d said some ancient woman who fussed over him. That was one thing Giselle\u2019s family didn\u2019t do\u2014fuss. \u201cI\u2019m so happy to see you again and doing so well! You look just<\/em> like your dad! I remember you when you were a little thing \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

Nobody asked about his face. They seemed to have made note, gotten clarification, then dismissed it because they were just so happy to see him again.<\/p>\n

The subject of Meryl and the kids was touchy, but these people didn\u2019t know and to them, it was a vague and likely unreliable memory that he had maybe been married to someone else once upon a time and had had children possibly.<\/p>\n

\u201cFour kids. They and Meryl died in a house fire in 2001,\u201d he repeated to the appropriate condolences and seconds of sadness, but he didn\u2019t seem distressed in the telling. Maybe he had just said it enough that it had lost its meaning.<\/p>\n

Giselle didn\u2019t have to speak much. She was just so happy Bryce wasn\u2019t miserable that it was about all she could do to keep from smiling too much. This was<\/em> a funeral.<\/p>\n

\u201cBryce.\u201d<\/p>\n

He stiffened up and Giselle looked over her shoulder at Serena.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan we talk?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot now, Serena. Tomorrow. I already told you that. Just tell me where and when.\u201d<\/p>\n

She hesitated, uncertainty in her expression. \u201cUm \u2026 Country Waffles, I guess \u2026 ? On Mesa Boulevard? For breakfast? Eight?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n

She slid a glance toward Giselle. \u201cJust you, though.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. That\u2019s something Dad did, get people alone, get passive-aggressive, then gaslight them and rearrange the truth about what happened. I\u2019m not going to give you the opportunity to continue his bad habits.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not Dad,\u201d she said tightly.<\/p>\n

That gave Bryce pause.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou aren\u2019t the only one with daddy issues,\u201d she sneered. \u201cThat is why I asked to talk to you alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle watched this, fascinated. Any way he cut this, it was still either his family telling him what to do or his rebelling against what they wanted him to do and both were re<\/em>active, which made one weak, and he was not weak. She had not seen this Bryce, though Knox was very well acquainted with him. She didn\u2019t like seeing her husband in such a bind. Not even when he\u2019d pled for her not to leave him had he seemed weak or unsure, just wounded and alone.<\/p>\n

\u201cYanno,\u201d he finally drawled, \u201cif you wanted a family therapy session over pancakes, you shouldn\u2019t have declared war on me the instant you called me out of the blue after twenty years. Don\u2019t act like you didn\u2019t roll up just like Dad would\u2019ve. That might fly with the family you made, but it doesn\u2019t fly with me or the family I married into.\u201d<\/p>\n

She swallowed and looked away, flushed. \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she muttered. \u201cHabit.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBreak it,\u201d he snapped.<\/p>\n

She took a deep breath. \u201cPlease.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFine.\u201d<\/p>\n

She flushed angrily and Giselle was shocked she hadn\u2019t thrown them out of the house. Then, suddenly, there was Ilora.<\/p>\n

\u201cBryce! Serena!\u201d She looked at Giselle. \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2026 ?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo worries. Giselle.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSerena,\u201d Ilora said through gritted teeth. \u201cPlease go make yourself useful in the kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n

Serena\u2019s nostrils flared and she did as she was told, though not without a glare at all three of them.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was impressive,\u201d Bryce murmured.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s my house,\u201d she replied, then smiled. \u201cI am so happy to see you.\u201d She paused. \u201cYou look like \u2026 well. Um, you look like you\u2019re comfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cComfortable?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith yourself. I never thought you looked comfortable. Anywhere. Or at least, not with family.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce took a few seconds before answering. \u201cI am. Yes. But I went through hell for it.\u201d<\/p>\n

She reached up and touched his face. \u201cI see that. You\u2019ll have to tell me about it. When can we get together?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce looked at Giselle, looking completely lost, then looked back at Ilora. \u201cUh, I\u2019m meeting Serena tomorrow morning at Country Waffles at eight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I need to talk to you<\/em>.\u201d She looked at Giselle. \u201cYou don\u2019t mind, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle shrugged. \u201cUm, no. I mean, it\u2019s up to him. We had originally planned to go back home tonight, so \u2026 we\u2019re playing it by ear.\u201d She paused. \u201cWhy do you all want to talk to him alone?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSerena probably wants to find out if you\u2019ve strayed,\u201d Ilora said, somewhat bitterly.<\/p>\n

Bryce barked a laugh. \u201cThat\u2019s a definite yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell! I\u2019m glad at least one<\/em> Kenard kid did! Wish your dad were here so you could rub his face in it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle\u2019s eyebrows rose. So the older daughter-in-law really was<\/em> a ballbuster.<\/p>\n

Bryce gave her his phone and she thumbed in her number. \u201cI\u2019ll text you tomorrow,\u201d he said when she gave it back. \u201cIs there anything you need help with? Legal, forklift, simple plumbing?\u201d<\/p>\n

She opened her mouth to decline automatically, but then snapped it shut. \u201cActually \u2026 I might. Thanks.\u201d Then she was gone.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s probably time to go,\u201d Giselle murmured.<\/p>\n

Bryce squeezed her hand and the three of them made their way to Walmart for toothbrushes.<\/p>\n

BRYCE HAD NOT been aware that he grasped Giselle to him in his sleep while in the throes of nightmares he didn\u2019t remember having until she\u2019d brought the subject up to his therapist, but he was fully aware that he needed her to be his teddy bear that night as they lay in bed not sleeping, not talking.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t even begin to sort anything out because he had assumed Serena\u2019s motives from her demeanor and his history with his father, but she\u2019d shattered those assumptions with I\u2019m not Dad<\/em> and You\u2019re not the only one with daddy issues<\/em>. Was she just that conditioned to this lifelong behavior of taking prisoners immediately or was she just that conditioned to how to view Bryce that she thought she could snap her fingers and he\u2019d jump?<\/p>\n

But he had, hadn\u2019t he? When she\u2019d called, his first instinct was to charter a flight, although he hadn\u2019t done so until after talking to Giselle. His second was to call Knox. It had vaguely occurred to him to say no, but \u2026 he hadn\u2019t. Why? He did not<\/em> want to be here.<\/p>\n

Yet since he was, he hadn\u2019t wanted to walk into this alone, which also<\/em> made him feel weak.<\/p>\n

Then again, Giselle would have insisted on coming and Knox would have had his ass on the plane before Bryce could say no. He\u2019d always loved poking at Bryce\u2019s family and Bryce had always found the dynamic between Knox and the Kenards fascinating, like a glimpse out of a prison window at the sunshine. But Giselle wanted to protect Bryce the way she protected everyone else.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t want that.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re partners. You help me. I help you. That\u2019s the way marriage is supposed to work. Stop keeping score, trying to stay ahead of me.<\/em><\/p>\n

He just \u2026 didn\u2019t want to drag Giselle the way the rest of her family did\u2014<\/p>\n

You aren\u2019t the rest of my family. You are my yin. I live with you. I sleep with you. If you aren\u2019t in balance, I\u2019m not in balance, and we have<\/em> never been in balance.<\/em><\/p>\n

Since she framed it like that, he could tell himself he was doing this for her because like it or not, whether he could live with never speaking to his family again, she had to sacrifice her and his child\u2019s wellbeing on the altar of guilt and fear<\/em>.<\/p>\n

So he had thought he was preparing for war, to defend himself, to rip his sister to shreds since his father wasn\u2019t available to be ripped, but now he didn\u2019t know what he was supposed to prepare for.<\/p>\n

Ilora wanted to talk to him, too, but she hadn\u2019t come at him with instant hostility and she seemed genuinely happy he was here.<\/p>\n

He finally slept, though he hadn\u2019t taken his sleeping pill because he didn\u2019t want to oversleep his alarm, but he was still two hours ahead so he was up at five anyway. Giselle was asleep.<\/p>\n

It was funny how, he thought as he washed his hair, as soon as he hit up the sleeping pills, their marriage had smoothed out substantially. He\u2019d always thought Giselle was just hard to live with and acknowledged that he was just as difficult, and had resigned himself to that, but once he started to sleep, she got much less irritable and irritating.<\/p>\n

You couldn\u2019t sleep so I couldn\u2019t sleep.<\/em><\/p>\n

He hated<\/em> going to the therapist. He dreaded every session. He didn\u2019t feel like he was any different, just that his long-buried feelings were being dragged up to damage him all over again. He had no idea how that was supposed to help<\/em>.<\/p>\n

But this was the only real thing she had ever asked him to do for her, so \u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cLeaving,\u201d he whispered in her ear with a kiss.<\/p>\n

She smiled, but didn\u2019t move otherwise. \u201cI love you,\u201d she croaked. \u201cGood luck.\u201d<\/p>\n

He slid into the rented car and, with a dead weight in the pit of his belly he hadn\u2019t felt since he\u2019d sat at the defendant\u2019s table at his criminal trial, got closer and closer to the restaurant.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d dressed appropriately, it seemed, in jeans and plain white tee shirt and running shoes. It was a miracle he and Knox had been able to find clothes that fit them on such short notice and off the rack, and they\u2019d ended up at a department store anyway.<\/p>\n

Serena was already seated when he walked in\u2014late. On purpose. It was a power play he used often. Knox hated it, but it was effective, especially combined with an air of superiority.<\/p>\n

She was alone, looking down at her phone, not scrolling, so she was reading long form. Or watching TV. What the hell did he know or care?<\/p>\n

He startled her when he pulled out a chair across from her and noticed that her eyes were very red. She was probably tired, cranky, and had obviously been crying.<\/p>\n

The hostess brought him a menu and utensils, and restaurant life went on around them while they looked at each other and then by mutual agreement read their menus.<\/p>\n

The first time they spoke was to give the waitress their orders.<\/p>\n

Serena\u2019s mouth quirked when he told the waitress what he wanted to drink. \u201cMilk?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged. \u201cI don\u2019t get it at home,\u201d he said before he thought.<\/p>\n

Her white-laced orange eyebrow rose\u2014 Just. Like. Dad.<\/p>\n

\u201cGiselle has a strict diet. Nothing off plan comes in the house unless we have guests.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI \u2026 \u201d She paused. \u201cThat\u2019s very kind of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

That surprised him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen, uh, when\u2019s your flight home?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI chartered a plane, so whenever I feel like it.\u201d<\/p>\n

She looked a little stunned. \u201cUm. Oh. I didn\u2019t know regular people did that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not regular people,\u201d he said tightly.<\/p>\n

She deflated. \u201cI \u2026 know. Now I do. I had my granddaughter do some digging,\u201d she muttered, looking down and playing with her utensils. \u201cFor what it\u2019s worth, I\u2019m sorry about your fire and what you went through. That must have been hell.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was.\u201d He paused. \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI \u2026 Did you ever talk to Dad or Mom after you moved to Kansas City?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDad, no. He didn\u2019t call and I had no reason or desire to call him. Talked to Mom every so often, two, three times a year, but she didn\u2019t seem interested in anything except the kids, and even that seemed cursory, so \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

She looked at him in horror. \u201cHe never<\/em> called?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. But I\u2019m glad. I was busy and I was going through hell with Meryl, so I didn\u2019t need his bullshit on top of that.\u201d<\/p>\n

She flinched at bullshit<\/em>. \u201cI \u2026 cannot imagine not speaking to my children and grandchildren, not at least attempting<\/em> to bear their burdens with them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you have any oops babies you didn\u2019t want when you were on the edge of an empty nest and menopause?\u201d he asked blithely.<\/p>\n

Her mouth trembled and her eyes gathered tears. \u201cUm \u2026 no,\u201d she replied. \u201cYou have to understand something. When Mark and I were young, Dad was easygoing, fun. Mom baked cookies and made Christmas magical. As we got older and he got more involved with church, he got stricter and more unhappy. It happened gradually. Mom didn\u2019t seem to change. We didn\u2019t really start to notice until you were born. We thought he got on us more because now you were in the picture. I was fifteen. Mark was eighteen and going off to college and then his mission so it didn\u2019t affect him. But it affected me<\/em> because by the time I was eighteen, I wasn\u2019t allowed to date at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce stared at her. \u201cEighteen? Not allowed to date<\/em>? I thought most parents get tired and get more lax.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, that\u2019s what happened with me and my kids, but\u2014 You had kids. You should know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have never had a child live into double digits,\u201d he said coolly. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t actually know.\u201d<\/p>\n

She gulped. \u201cRight. Well.\u201d She took a deep breath. \u201cI blamed you for how Dad changed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you were still blaming me yesterday when you came at me with guns blazing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t sleep last night,\u201d she said abruptly, but pausing while her breakfast was set in front of her. \u201cAfter the gathering, I had my granddaughter help me research and find out what happened to you. Leda said your wife told her you didn\u2019t feel wanted here and I realized how long it had been since we spoke. I realized you just \u2026 disappeared, like you never existed. For whatever reason, I went digging in my attic for my old journals.\u201d She smiled wistfully. \u201cThe rantings of a sixteen-year-old girl whose father was turning into a tyrant and she didn\u2019t know why other than there was a new baby in the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce dug into his waffles. \u201cThis isn\u2019t what you wanted to talk to me about yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat changed?\u201d<\/p>\n

She flushed and didn\u2019t meet his eyes. \u201cYour, um \u2026 face. Your wife.\u201d She puffed a laugh. \u201cKnox wasn\u2019t much of a surprise.\u201d<\/p>\n

That did make Bryce\u2019s mouth turn up a bit.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnyway,\u201d she said with a long exhale, \u201cwith a lifetime, four kids, and seven grandchildren behind me, I read my teenage journals and it made me wonder what your upbringing must have been like and I made a few assumptions. I don\u2019t know if they\u2019re right, but I got married when you were a toddler and I couldn\u2019t pay much attention. I was really just angry that you appeared to be the cause of Dad changing.\u201d She barked an unamused laugh. \u201cHe changed so much, he picked out my husband for me and told me to marry him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce gaped at her.<\/p>\n

\u201cI barely knew Orin and he was a pushover and suddenly I ended up being his mother. The only thing he was good for was a paycheck, health insurance, and kids. Somehow we made it work, but I wasn\u2019t happy until my kids came along. I buried myself in them and romance novels until they got too bitter for me to swallow and then I just got and stayed angry.\u201d She paused. \u201cRomance novels lied to me. I really<\/em> hate my husband.\u201d<\/p>\n

In that instant, Bryce\u2019s anger and resentment rushed away. \u201cSo \u2026 fix it. That\u2019s what divorce lawyers are for.\u201d<\/p>\n

She sighed. \u201cYou are the first person I have ever said that to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIncluding yourself,\u201d he guessed.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd Ilora?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMark was just confused. The Dad he knew and the man Dad became were two totally different people. Dad loved Ilora at first, but then some time after you were born, he started trying to control her too and she wasn\u2019t having it. Mark wanted to please Dad because he always had, and then there were all these new things Dad was saying, so he just went along with Dad and grew into that too, especially as he rose through the church ranks. Ilora refused to toe the line and every single family gathering got more and more contentious until Ilora finally refused to speak to any of us and she told Mark to cut Dad off or she\u2019d divorce him. So he cut Dad off.\u201d That shocked Bryce. \u201cDad was furious. How dare Mark choose his wife over him. But I stayed the course. Orin did what Dad told him to do and didn\u2019t make waves. As for me, it was a different time for a woman, so I didn\u2019t have much choice.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you just had this epiphany last night.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

She stopped speaking to eat, and Bryce needed to rest also. That was a helluva waterfall to have to endure in a few hours. How did one suddenly realize after thirty years that one hated one\u2019s spouse? It was bad enough Bryce had to confront his buried truths twice a week.<\/p>\n

It took a while, but Serena started up again. \u201cI started getting angry when you were born and then I realized what I\u2019d married and so I\u2019ve been angry at \u2026 everything \u2026 for years, and then I was even more angry that you didn\u2019t show up to Mom\u2019s and Dad\u2019s funerals. So I decided if you didn\u2019t want to be part of the family, I didn\u2019t want you to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

That didn\u2019t hurt as much as he thought it might because she was clearly in some agony and had gone through her own hell. \u201cDid you even know where I\u2019d gone after I graduated from law school?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cSomewhere in the Midwest. I was busy and Dad said you chose Knox over him, so \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did,\u201d he said flatly. \u201cDad offered me rules and despair and damnation. Knox offered me faith and hope and salvation.\u201d<\/p>\n

At that, tears started to roll down Serena\u2019s cheeks but she ducked her head to attempt to discreetly mop them up with her napkin.<\/p>\n

\u201cDidn\u2019t you try<\/em> to find me to tell me about Mom\u2019s and Dad\u2019s funerals?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cMark said he did. I took him at his word. He said you probably didn\u2019t want to be found.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce didn\u2019t know what to do with this information\u2014any of it\u2014and now Mark was dead and couldn\u2019t explain himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor what it\u2019s worth,\u201d he mumbled. \u201cI hated Meryl, too. But she was sexually deviant, unfaithful, and abusive. At least two of my kids wasn\u2019t mine. She manipulated me into cutting Knox off, though, so \u2026 score one for Dad, I guess. I had to get my kids away from her because they were already messed up and I wasn\u2019t paying attention because I was working a hundred hours a week and fulfilling church callings. I had to change my entire life around to deal with it, and I was in the process of divorcing her when my fire happened. If she\u2019d been less evil, I guess I could\u2019ve dealt with it the way you deal with Orin.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry,\u201d she whispered. \u201cIf you and Knox weren\u2019t on speaking terms at that point\u2014?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDidn\u2019t you have anybody<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

He hesitated. \u201cI had to have had help to get and keep me out of trouble while I was comatose, and I think I know who, but I don\u2019t know how they did it without legal authority and they\u2019ve never said and I haven\u2019t asked. If they wanted me to know, they\u2019d have said something.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI meant \u2026 all those years. You had no one but Knox and then no one after that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce shook his head. \u201cNot till I met Giselle. Now \u2026 She\u2019s got this \u2026 village<\/em> \u2026 she calls a family and \u2026 I\u2019m not doing well with the noise, the chaos, the \u2026 suffocation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Serena nodded slowly, as if trying to visualize that. \u201cTell me about your wife, then.\u201d<\/p>\n

He took a breath. \u201cShe\u2019s Knox\u2019s cousin, but I didn\u2019t know that when I met her. In fact, meeting her is how I got Knox back, too. Her family is big on faith and \u2026 I don\u2019t function that way. It\u2019s \u2026 difficult.\u201d He paused. \u201cI have PTSD,\u201d he blurted. \u201cI\u2019m \u2026 working through it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t see how you wouldn\u2019t,\u201d she said softly.<\/p>\n

\u201cGiselle\u2019s pregnant and \u2026 I don\u2019t want to visit my \u2026 trauma<\/em> \u2026 \u201d He grimaced. \u201c \u2026 on my kid.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWise. Leda was quite taken by your wife. She loves color because she\u2014\u201d She laughed suddenly. \u201c\u2014doesn\u2019t get it at home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce must have looked utterly confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cHer mother\u2014my daughter-in-law\u2014Jennifer\u2014has a mommy blog. Leda\u2019s and her siblings\u2019 whole \u2018perfect\u2014\u2019\u201d She made air quotes. \u201c\u2014lives in their perfectly beige and designer-perfect house are chronicled online. I don\u2019t approve, but I don\u2019t want to be that<\/em> mother-in-law, so what am I supposed to do? Leda spends a lot of time with me to get away from the cameras because she gets bullied at school a lot over what her mom posts. I expect her siblings to show up any day now.\u201d She shrugged. \u201cJen doesn\u2019t make much money at it, but she\u2019s got this fantasy \u2026 I suspect she\u2019s competing with another woman in the ward who\u2019s been doing it a lot longer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh. Huh. Giselle finds putting your kids on display to be almost as evil as stealing your kids\u2019 social security numbers to take out loans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a good way to look at it. I\u2019ve offered to homeschool Leda and her siblings, but Jen won\u2019t hear of it. My son \u2026 \u201d She shook her head. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t see anything wrong with it as long as it makes Jen happy and who am I to say anything? Orin does whatever I tell him to do, but there is nothing<\/em> he can do to make me happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Giselle would say, that was a helluva pickle. \u201cWhat does Orin do for a living? His Rolex is real.\u201d<\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cI.T. Knows some ancient computer languages nobody else does. He did a favor for Bill Gates a long time ago. He gave him the watch. It\u2019s pretty much the only thing he\u2019s ever accomplished.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRetired?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cI won\u2019t let him. I can\u2019t stand him now. I don\u2019t want him on top of me twenty-four seven.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce sighed. This conversation was nowhere near anything he could have anticipated. \u201cLook, Serena, if you decide to ditch the dead weight, you\u2019re welcome to come see us and \u2026 I don\u2019t know. Get out.\u201d<\/p>\n

She shook her head. \u201cIt\u2019s tempting, but I can\u2019t leave Leda and her siblings right now. The rest of my grandchildren are fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

The two of them were silent for a while to yet again rest. Thirty years. Serena now knew what happened to Bryce because the internet was forever, but honestly, it hadn\u2019t occurred to him his siblings would have their own problems.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere are you with the church?\u201d she asked hesitantly. \u201cYou aren\u2019t wearing your garments.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yesterday, Bryce would have let loose on her. After all this, though \u2026<\/p>\n

He picked at his breakfast and wondered what to say. After spending time with Giselle and her family, trying to understand their viewpoint, he didn\u2019t quite have words.<\/p>\n

\u201cI go every once in a while,\u201d he finally said. \u201cGiselle likes me to, but she doesn\u2019t pressure me. My fire.\u201d He covered the left side of his face with his palm. \u201cWell, before that, actually. Years.\u201d His jaw clenched. \u201cThe Lord abandoned me. Then the church did. Spent my whole life serving and \u2026 that was my reward.\u201d<\/p>\n

Serena\u2019s mouth trembled.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, I have always felt that the Lord broke his covenant with me. After that, I did what I wanted and indulged my nature that Dad tried to emotionally beat out of me. Giselle and I have only been married a couple of years. We slept together on the first date and got married two weeks after that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her eyebrows rose again.<\/p>\n

Why had he told her that?<\/p>\n

\u201cWe just \u2026 knew. Her family says she\u2019s spiritually gifted, although I don\u2019t know what that looks or feels like. Her family is \u2026 different. She comforts me, gives me a frame of reference for the here and now, for the future. Knox gives me a handle on the past.\u201d<\/p>\n

He debated whether to tell her this or not, but \u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cHe feels that my fire was meant to release my children from a lifetime of misery and me from Meryl\u2019s grasp. A refiner\u2019s fire. He thinks that since I didn\u2019t have the courage to defy Dad when I should have\u2014when Knox hounded me to\u2014or gotten rid of Meryl earlier than I did, that the Lord had to finally step in to do what I wouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\u201cEven if I can accept that, well, okay. But then, after all my time serving, the church just \u2026 forgot about me. Same ward, same people I\u2019d been with for years. Five years. Didn\u2019t remember I existed until Giselle and I got married, and she worked the stake leadership up and down for it\u2014publicly\u2014because they were responsible for me at that time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, my goodness,\u201d she whispered, horrified.<\/p>\n

\u201cGiselle\u2019s grandfather was a church bigwig back in the day. A general authority.\u201d He laughed a little. \u201cHe was a bootlegger during Prohibition, so he saw and did things differently. Kansas City Mormon royalty, essentially. Anyway, The Miracle of Forgiveness<\/em> came along and I guess he threw a fit that anything so foul could be considered canon and threatened to quit if it wasn\u2019t disavowed, then had to make good on that. Anyway, her family refuses to even acknowledge its existence and when forced to, they call it The Rule Book.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her brow wrinkled. \u201cDidn\u2019t Dad and Knox get into it over family Sunday dinner once?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce chuckled wryly. \u201cMore than once. But it was the only thing I knew at that point. So basically, here it is twenty years later and I\u2019m having to re-learn everything from scratch. But it\u2019s not from scratch because it\u2019s already there in my head and I can\u2019t partition it off or delete it, and so it\u2019s confusing and I feel like I\u2019m asking the stupidest questions, and that\u2019s even if I can figure out what the questions are.\u201d<\/p>\n

Serena sighed and bowed her head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m curious. What were<\/em> you going to talk to me about before your revelation last night?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cYell at you for not coming to the funerals and \u2026 I don\u2019t know. Unload. Then Leda \u2026 \u201d She puffed a laugh. \u201cShe\u2019s appalled and thrilled that you have a box at Chiefs stadium. She can\u2019t wait to tell her flag football team.\u201d<\/p>\n

That did make Bryce smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour face. Then Leda told me you thought you weren\u2019t wanted and then I \u2026 I don\u2019t know. It just hit me that you had no family and maybe \u2026 maybe you\u2019d never<\/em> had any family. You chose Knox over Dad and he never spoke of you again. I didn\u2019t notice. I was busy. I would never have done such a thing to one of my children, especially over something so petty. It struck me suddenly how cruel that was. You chose Knox over Dad because at that point, maybe he was the only real family you had.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce had never looked at it that way, but it was exactly right and he nodded slowly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry about yesterday. I\u2019m just \u2026 I\u2019m always angry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSeems to be a Kenard trait,\u201d Bryce mumbled. \u201cGiselle, she \u2026 she can leach that off. Somehow. I don\u2019t know. She has a soul of steel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe \u2026 um. I guess I can see why she said what she did.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t expect an apology. She\u2019s the one stuck cleaning up the mess of my burned-out soul.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t. I suppose I would say something like that for a man I loved. If I had one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Intense sorrow immediately flooded him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI certainly would for my children and grandchildren. So, um, I suppose Knox is a stake president by now?\u201d<\/p>\n

That made Bryce laugh. \u201cUm \u2026 no. He was excommunicated years ago.\u201d Her jaw dropped. \u201cHe inadvertently got the church caught up in a PR nightmare so it was the most expedient thing for them to do. But that\u2019s not my story to tell. I\u2019m sure your granddaughter will be happy to do some more digging. You can connect the dots from there and just assume they\u2019re true.\u201d<\/p>\n

It took a minute for Bryce to realize they had finished their meal and Bryce dug his card out of his wallet and gave it to the waitress when she handed him the bill. She disappeared.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do we go forward?\u201d Bryce asked slowly. \u201cI didn\u2019t expect this. I was expecting to be in court this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure,\u201d she sighed. \u201cI\u2019ve got a lot of thinking to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd decisions to make,\u201d Bryce said pointedly.<\/p>\n

She nodded. \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, well, if you want to escape, you\u2019re welcome in our home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWon\u2019t your wife mind?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head. \u201cNot after this conversation. She is incredibly empathetic.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you happy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGetting there. I\u2019m happiest when it\u2019s just me and Giselle being quiet together.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad.\u201d<\/p>\n

The waitress returned and Bryce signed.<\/p>\n

\u201cYesterday, I got the sense there\u2019s a lot of bad blood between you and Ilora.\u201d<\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cNo more than I have with anybody else, which is pretty much everybody.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore you hit up a lawyer, I think you and Ilora need to sit down and have this conversation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cProbably, but \u2026 I have to get used to this first.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUnderstood. For what it\u2019s worth, Giselle was quite impressed by Leda, too. Let her know she\u2019s welcome to join us at Arrowhead in our box anytime she wants, especially if we\u2019re hosting the Chargers.\u201d<\/p>\n

For the first time, Serena smiled. He wasn\u2019t sure he\u2019d ever seen that before. \u201cShe would love it, but I\u2019ll have to get my son to convince Jen to allow it. If he feels something strongly enough, he\u2019ll overrule her, and Leda\u2019s flag football is something he is adamant about. Well, football in general. He got a scholarship to college and then screwed up his knee, so there went his NFL aspirations.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce winced.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll ditch church if he\u2019s got tickets, which makes Jen mad, but \u2026 Well, anyway, Leda\u2019s his football buddy. When the others get bigger and can understand the game more and find their own teams to play on, they\u2019ll get dragged into it, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce nodded. \u201cWhole family, then. Something new for the blog. Our treat. All of it. Whole family.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, that might work. Thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

With that, Bryce rose and she did too. They strolled out to the parking lot. They looked at each other and for the first time in his forty-two years, he and his sister hugged.<\/p>\n

GISELLE WAS EATING a steak and staring at her phone when he returned to their hotel room. She looked up at him in question.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot what I expected.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood or bad?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cComplicated.\u201d He put his phone down on the table and hit play.<\/p>\n

Listening to it a second time was odd, but also comforting. It was something he could refer back to when his memory failed him, as it did at times. Serena\u2019s voice was filled with more pain than he had noticed the first time around.<\/p>\n

The conversation wasn\u2019t as long as it felt at the time and Giselle listened without comment, eating calmly throughout. Bryce simply relaxed on the sofa, his hands behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling.<\/p>\n

Something in him was settling.<\/p>\n

Finally, it was over.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you doing?\u201d she asked after a few minutes of silence.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo idea. I was gearing up for a showdown and \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was intense. Thirty years of \u2018I hate my husband.\u2019 Good gravy. And here I spent fifteen years crying because I wasn\u2019t married. Does she work?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t know. Where\u2019s Knox?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBeach.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course. \u201cNo surfing for you?\u201d he asked playfully.<\/p>\n

\u201cI prefer my water sparkling blue with lots of chlorine, thankyouverymuch.\u201d<\/p>\n

He sighed heavily. \u201cStill have another one of these conversations to go.\u201d He caught his phone when Giselle tossed it to him. He thumbed his phone and the return text was almost immediate.<\/p>\n

\n
i have lots of leftover lasagna. come over for dinner. 7p<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\u201cDinner not till seven at Ilora\u2019s house. Want to go to the zoo?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n

ONCE AGAIN BRYCE found himself at Ilora\u2019s house, but this time there was no one else around. Ilora greeted him at the door with a smile, drying her hands on a towel, an apron around her waist. She didn\u2019t seem<\/em> like a grieving widow, but what did he know?<\/p>\n

\u201cCame alone as instructed,\u201d he said lightly. \u201cNo cops and the ransom\u2019s in the trashcan down the street.\u201d<\/p>\n

She laughed and pulled him in the house, giving him a quick side hug. \u201cCome on into the kitchen.\u201d She gestured for him to have a seat at the table that was already set while she gathered drinks.<\/p>\n

\u201cMilk if you have it,\u201d he said when she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, no. Lactose intolerant. Nothing with caffeine, either. Juice?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWater\u2019s fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

She sat and looked at him expectantly. He stared back. Then he realized what she was waiting for. \u201cAh, no.\u201d<\/p>\n

She folded her arms and bowed her head, so Bryce did the same and listened to her prayer, which was the standard meal blessing all over English-speaking Mormondom.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore we get this party started,\u201d he said as he dished himself some leftover lasagna, \u201cmy breakfast with Serena did not go as I expected. I told her she needs to have a conversation with you and tell you what she told me. Her head is not in a good place.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, it hasn\u2019t been for years,\u201d Ilora said dismissively. \u201cOne of these days she\u2019s going to realize she hates her husband and is tired of being his mother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Surprised, Bryce barked a laugh. \u201cYeah, she knows. I told her to suck it up and get a divorce.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ilora nodded. \u201cBetter late than never.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSpeaking of divorce, she told me you didn\u2019t put up with my dad\u2019s shit on pain of divorce.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, and that\u2019s one thing I wanted to talk about. What Mark didn\u2019t know was that your dad and I had a come-to-Jesus meeting soon after I hired a divorce lawyer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce\u2019s eyebrow rose. \u201cAt your behest or his?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHis. He thought he could summon me to the stake president\u2019s office, but I never played those games, so I told him if he wanted to talk to me, we were going to do it in my lawyer\u2019s office at my convenience.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce\u2019s grin grew. \u201cThat\u2019s something my wife would do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would expect no less from a woman who shows up to a funeral in red,\u201d she said cheekily.<\/p>\n

\u201cUm, forgive me, but \u2026 you seem a little too chipper for the circumstances.\u201d<\/p>\n

She blinked and her fork paused halfway between the plate and her mouth. \u201cMark died years ago. I mean, not literally, but he had early onset dementia. He hasn\u2019t lived here in two, three years. He forgot who I was a year ago. He\u2019s been in memory care. I\u2019m just happy he\u2019s released from his prison and so am I and so are my kids and grandkids. I did my grieving years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce\u2019s heart twisted and he felt sick. Dementia. He was already having problems with his memory, but was that from his fire, or \u2026 ? Could he really<\/em> allow Giselle to suffer that with him?<\/p>\n

\u201cUm. Oh.\u201d<\/p>\n

She watched him soberly. \u201cSerena\u2019s sharp. Your dad and mom were sharp to the end. Don\u2019t live your life worrying about it. You won\u2019t know what\u2019s happening anyway and you can afford the best care available. And your wife will grieve you long before you die.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then he shrugged. \u201cI\u2019ve already been on death\u2019s door. Death doesn\u2019t bother me. Suffering bothers me.\u201d He paused. \u201cNo, making my wife<\/em> suffer bothers me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, well. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo this t\u00eate-\u00e0-t\u00eate? Did he comply?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. He brought his lawyer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce chuckled. \u201cSmart man.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn a word, he folded and he had wanted to do it in private. I was never sure if he just didn\u2019t want to have a divorced son or if he took a good, long look in the mirror. If both your sons cut you off, one daughter-in-law can\u2019t stand you and deliberately makes your life miserable, and your third child barely speaks to you, a wise man might get an inkling that he\u2019s the problem. Anyway. He was a beaten man and he looked it. I said something like trying to control everyone around you in perpetuity will age you prematurely. Then I dressed him down. Every slight, every insult, every time he tried to put me in my place or control me. He was angry and he tried to get a word in edgewise, but I didn\u2019t let him. I asked him what happened to him because he wasn\u2019t that way when Mark and I were dating. Then he \u2019fessed up. He was visited by Spencer W. Kimball himself\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce\u2019s eyes almost popped out of his head.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014and he got a taste of higher church leadership\u2019s approval and he wanted to make sure his children were perfect to look good to the higher-ups. He was asked to participate in editing Kimball\u2019s stupid book and he got dazzled by their power. He never came out and said he regretted how he acted versus his failure to produce perfect sons, so I don\u2019t know which it was, but he was definitely defeated. Being summoned to your uppity thirty-five-year-old daughter-in-law\u2019s lawyer\u2019s office after she\u2019s declared war has to be humiliating.\u201d<\/p>\n

Power.<\/p>\n

All he wanted was some penny-ante power.<\/p>\n

Not even real power, the kind Bryce had.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s \u2026 \u201d He grappled with his feelings to find the right word. \u201cLuciferian.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. And I pointed that out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid he ever get above stake president?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, and I suspect that was why he seemed so beaten. All that effort and nada. Of course, our lawyers had no idea what we were talking about, but I realized then that he didn\u2019t actually know his theology.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce was confused. \u201cYeah. Knox had him nailed to the wall more times than I could count.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, he may not have taken it from a teenage trust-fund brat with an ego, but he was<\/em> going to take it from the mother of his grandchildren who was about to disappear with them. I had power Knox wouldn\u2019t have had.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWas he that involved with them?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe wanted to be. He saw them as his second chance at molding perfect humans in the hopes he could rise higher, but I saw what he did to you. I knew Meryl wasn\u2019t how she presented because I was not na\u00efve. I saw how beaten her parents were and had a suspicion why. I was not<\/em> going to let that happen to my children. I wanted my divorce lawyer there to get it all on the record.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce had never known much about Ilora. Right now he just felt a little awed to be in her presence.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish I had had that courage,\u201d he muttered. \u201cKnox hammered me about it, but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were young and confused and brainwashed and you wanted to be loved. That is not your fault and you were not a coward. I was an adult and a mother and I was going to protect my children at all costs. Let me tell you. Rile a mother up and watch her cut through anybody she has to.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce rarely wept. Occasionally, his eyes watered and stung. They were doing so now.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo. Watching you showed me my children\u2019s future and I did something about it. My kids aren\u2019t perfect and they\u2019ve had their misadventures and half of them have left the church, but you know, you\u2019re not raising good kids. You\u2019re raising good adults. I wish they\u2019d made different choices here and there, and they hurt my heart sometimes, but for the most part, they\u2019re good people and once I got Mark on board, I think we did a good job. I\u2019m very sorry you had to go through that, but your suffering saved my kids the same.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGiselle would probably see it the same way,\u201d he murmured, still picking at his food. Then again, this lasagna was atrocious.<\/p>\n

Ilora finally took her first bite of the lasagna, then made a face. \u201cGross,\u201d she muttered around her bite. In a flurry, she picked up the lasagna in its disposable aluminum pan and dumped it in the trash, snatched her plate and scraped it into the trash, then Bryce\u2019s plate and did the same. \u201cVegan. With zoodles and fake cheese. I knew I should\u2019ve told her not to bring food. Let\u2019s go to Subway.\u201d<\/p>\n

Suddenly Bryce laughed. \u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Bryce handed Ilora into his car and while on the ride to Subway, he explained the driver, the chartered plane, and well, who he really was in the world.<\/p>\n

By the time they had their food and sat, he had her laughing about installing a senator and why.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour dad would be sooooo jealous!\u201d she squealed in delight, clapping. \u201cHe wanted so badly to have power of his own and \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t understand. He had his own company. He made a lot of money. In southern California.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, but he had no real<\/em> power, no real connections, nothing the world or the church valued, and that is what he coveted. I have never met anyone so eaten up with envy. What I suspect he hated most about Knox was that he came from money, wealth. Real<\/em> wealth. People at that level of wealth have connections. You were now connected\u2014by accident!\u2014and the only power he had was that the prophet knew he existed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKnox doesn\u2019t know that and he never really cared about money or connections. His father started from scratch and was active in the church and Scouts, and his uncle was too grounded to let him get a big head. His mother dragged him to society things if she needed her trophy son to make an appearance, so yes, he knows how to act like he\u2019s from wealth when he has to. He saw my dad as a tyrant. That was all he needed to know before he started treating him like a cat toy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ilora snickered around her sandwich. \u201c\u2018Cat toy.\u2019 Well, he was young, too, so \u2026 I don\u2019t know<\/em> for sure that was why he hated Knox, but he tried to run his ward and stake like that too, and it never went over well.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce shook his head. \u201cDidn\u2019t know that, either.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs far as I know, I was the only woman who ever stood up to him\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were not,\u201d Bryce said emphatically.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh?\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, why not tell her? She\u2019d given him more understanding of his dad than he\u2019d ever had. \u201cHad a professor in college. Her name was Mia Yoshida \u2026 \u201d He left out his sexual fantasies. \u201c \u2026 I had never seen him put in his place like that, before or after.\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead of making her laugh at the end of the tale as he had intended, her eyes were glistening. \u201cAnd then you got stuck with Meryl.\u201d<\/p>\n

He sighed heavily. \u201cWell. Yeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd your wife?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s \u2026 everything I ever fantasized about and more.\u201d And so he told her about that pivotal moment when he saw a very young karate instructor and carried her as his beacon of hope, a tiny match in the darkness, for fifteen years. \u201cAnd then \u2026 turns out, I was married to her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now Ilora really did have tears rolling down her cheeks. \u201cWhat an awful<\/em> story,\u201d she whispered, to Bryce\u2019s shock and dismay. \u201cThat you had to go through all that just to\u2014 To have love. To have a basic human need met, and for so long.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh. When she put it like that, yes, he supposed it was awful.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid\u2014\u201d He stopped. He didn\u2019t want to know. \u201cDid my dad love me at all?\u201d<\/p>\n

She looked at him, her expression sad. \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew I wasn\u2019t wanted, but \u2026 I mean, at some point, you stop thinking of your kid as a mistake and start to love him, right? So I just told myself \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure he loved anybody once Kimball\u2014may he burn in hell\u2014got hold of him. While Mark and I were dating, he was perfectly fine. Smiled, joked, not a control freak. I\u2019m telling you, it was like some switch flipped, or he was possessed. I would absolutely<\/em> believe Kimball was a demon who got his hooks in a weak man.<\/p>\n

\u201cMark was so confused and so while I\u2019m watching this change, seeing how your dad was when you were little, knowing somewhere in the back of my mind that this is my kids\u2019 future, I\u2019m trying to pull my husband out of the muck. Mark had me in one ear pointing out how he was behaving and why it was wrong, and this guy he\u2019d always loved and respected turned into a different man altogether who was saying things he\u2019d never even hinted at believing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere did you get the strength to blow all that up?\u201d<\/p>\n

She shrugged. \u201cI\u2019ve always known who I was and my parents fostered that. It was a gift and I didn\u2019t know until I watched your dad change and my husband stumble around like he was dizzy. And I was not<\/em> going to let that happen to my children.\u201d She paused. \u201cThe next-to-last straw was when Mark was reading a book and your dad hit the roof when he mentioned it. I have never seen someone get that red in the face. Here\u2019s Mark, a grown man, mid-thirties, with a professional career and kids and a wife and a nice house\u2014and he\u2019s standing there completely bewildered by why his dad\u2019s yelling at him\u2014in front of his kids\u2014over a book<\/em>.\u201d She took another bite. \u201cSo of course I had to read it to find out what the problem was and\u2014wow<\/em>. What a ride.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce looked at her in question.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Fountainhead<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce gaped, then started to grin, then started to laugh.<\/p>\n

Her eyes sparkled with mischief. \u201cI figured you might get it. That was a turning point for Mark. That book spoke to him somewhere deep inside and then the divorce put him over the edge.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo after your meeting with my dad, what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ilora shrugged. \u201cHe backed off. I never told Mark about it because I felt it would make him feel bad for not having his head on straight enough to do it himself. But he was so bewildered and he didn\u2019t have a firm enough handle on theology to straighten himself out. I just told him he needed to cut his dad off until further notice or I\u2019d pull the trigger on the divorce, take everything and the kids, and he\u2019d be paying me crippling alimony for the rest of my life. Eventually, oh, three, four years, I guess, your dad came to me and asked us to Christmas dinner. He seemed penitent, so okay. And he was quiet. He tried to be nice grandpa for the kids, but they were young and he was more of a curiosity than anything else. I could see him struggle to keep his mouth shut, especially if the kids said something stupid or used the wrong fork. Honestly, I think your mom had something to do with that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure she loved me, either,\u201d Bryce grumbled.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe most definitely<\/em> did,\u201d Ilora contradicted stoutly. \u201cHowever, she was already tired before<\/em> she got pregnant with you, being a bishop\u2019s wife for years and then a stake president\u2019s wife. People taking from her constantly, giving nothing back, not even a thought or good vibe directed her way. She had to have a complete hysterectomy after she had you, and she hit menopause immediately. Try having postpartum depression and<\/em> menopause at the same time, with no one<\/em> to help you, and the wonderful and doting man you married and had two other kids with has slowly turned into an arrogant tyrant who doesn\u2019t spare you a thought much less lend you a hand. It was about all she could do to drag herself out of bed most days and I\u2019m shocked she managed as well as she did.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d Bryce said, because there was nothing else to be said.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was long past putting up with anybody\u2019s<\/em> crap, and that included your dad\u2019s and most everybody she knew, so she kept to herself. She had been a very loving woman and I honestly believe she did the best she could, but she had nothing<\/em> left to give anybody. Stopped going to church because she was constantly hounded for something, but nobody checked up on her. I babysat you most days after you were weaned, until you went to school\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce didn\u2019t remember that.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014and then \u2026 she seemed to disappear into herself. A ghost. I never<\/em> asked her to babysit my kids and I always<\/em> hosted holidays, and then when I cut your dad off, I told her explicitly<\/em> she was to come. She did and my mom pampered her. Life went on, you went away, and then<\/em> she found out she had cancer, which she told no one<\/em> about until she had to have someone to take her to chemo, and she asked me.\u201d<\/p>\n

That made no sense. \u201cWell, why didn\u2019t my dad\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe hadn\u2019t told him her diagnosis because he didn\u2019t go to her first appointment with her because he thought she was being dramatic. Go to the doctor. Why do you need me there?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce didn\u2019t think he\u2019d ever felt rage surge so hard and so fast in his life, not even at Meryl, but somehow he kept it together.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I brought her home after her first chemo and she was a mess, as one is after, he was in his office reading his scriptures. She went straight to their bedroom, slammed the door, locked it. He came out and asked me what was wrong with her. It was all I could do not to slap him. I asked him if he understood what chemotherapy<\/em> actually did to people. He looked at me as if he had never heard the word before, and then I wondered if she\u2019d told him anything at all. I said he was a disgrace as a husband, father, and priesthood holder, and left.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now it didn\u2019t matter to Bryce whether his mother had loved him or not. She\u2019d spent the last years of her life married but alone, the same way Bryce had.<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter that<\/em>, I don\u2019t know<\/em> if he offered or tried to take care of her and she refused, or he didn\u2019t for whatever reason, but I wasn\u2019t going to take the chance. If I couldn\u2019t make her appointments, my mom or dad took her. I made freezer meals, kept her fridge stocked, did laundry, and generally whatever your dad should\u2019ve done or paid to have done. She wasn\u2019t volunteering information and I wasn\u2019t going to poke in her business, but not only did your dad not step up, neither did anyone in the ward, and there he is out there helping others, counseling, advising, looking like the perfect stake president and being smug about it. To the ward, she just \u2026 didn\u2019t exist.\u201d<\/p>\n

And she\u2019d gotten the same reward for her service that Bryce had\u2014nothing.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere was Serena?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ilora tsk\u2019d. \u201cDon\u2019t blame her. She had her own problems. She was going it alone in her marriage too, plus<\/em> she had kids and her youngest son was a nightmare\u2014which your dad made sure to hit her with every time he saw her. Kid was headstrong. Thought he knew everything. Got caught up in the wrong crowd, drugs, rehab over and over again, gambling, you name it. Orin has no spine, then or now, so Serena had no backup and the justice system isn\u2019t set up to help parents with a rotten kid. So that one, well \u2026 \u201d She heaved a sigh. \u201cVehicular manslaughter.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce choked on his sandwich.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was drunk. Did some time. No idea where he went when he got out, but we do not<\/em> talk about that. So, your mom didn\u2019t want Serena to know about the cancer because she was also hanging by a thread, and we respected that. We told Serena they caught it too late for treatment, but you know what\u2019s most heartbreaking about the whole thing?\u201d Bryce couldn\u2019t imagine anything worse<\/em>, but now Ilora was getting wound up. \u201cYour mom refused<\/em> to speak. To anybody. Unless it was \u2018please\u2019 and \u2018thank you\u2019 and \u2018pass the salt\u2019 and \u2018double-double.\u2019 I tried to engage her. My parents tried. She was pretty much invisible to the kids because they\u2019re kids. That\u2019s what they do. Her funeral was \u2026 sparse, which is probably why Serena was so hateful about your not being there, and your dad was collecting condolences like he\u2019d achieved something big, pontificating about sin from the pulpit\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

She would have kept talking, but Bryce put up a hand. It was too much. He needed silence for a bit\u2014a long bit, it turned out. Ilora scrolled her phone, ate, drank, respected his need.<\/p>\n

He had a twinge of guilt for not being there for his mother, but realistically, he couldn\u2019t have been, and he shouldn\u2019t have had to be anyway. That had been his father\u2019s job and\u2014 Bryce couldn\u2019t imagine leaving Giselle to face something so devastating alone, much less accuse her of being \u201cdramatic\u201d if she felt off enough to mention it. His heart ached and hate was starting to flow through him.<\/p>\n

Finally, he cleared his throat. \u201cUm. So,\u201d he croaked, \u201cabout that. The funeral. Serena said Mark tried to find me to notify me about both, but I was\u2014\u201d He pulled his hand down his scarred cheek.<\/p>\n

Ilora nodded and finished her bite. \u201cWe didn\u2019t even know where to start looking. We didn\u2019t know Knox\u2019s last name. We didn\u2019t know where he was from. We knew he was an heir to a big corporation, but couldn\u2019t even remember if we\u2019d ever known its name.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bryce tried to think, but it was so difficult right now trying to trudge through this vat of cold molasses. \u201cMy dad. He had access to church records. He would\u2019ve been able to find me, at least call my bishop and ask why I wasn\u2019t answering the phone or \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

Ilora studied her sandwich with pursed lips. \u201cHe \u2026 refused. Refused to call. Refused to give us any information. Mark begged. The more he begged, the more he dug his heels in.\u201d<\/p>\n

That shoved a spear right into Bryce\u2019s gut so hard he couldn\u2019t breathe. He bowed his head and tried to calm his racing heart.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s another thing Serena doesn\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe hated me that much,\u201d Bryce rasped, his damaged vocal cords burning.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think love or hate has anything to do with it,\u201d Ilora said softly. \u201cHe found you to be disloyal and was angry. He was punishing you the only way he could for choosing Knox over him, the way he resented Mark for choosing me over him. He was rotten with pride. Desperation. Insecurity. And that didn\u2019t start happening until Kimball came to town.\u201d<\/p>\n

Loyalty<\/em>. Bryce hated<\/em> that word, hated the whole concept. It was one of the reasons Bryce hated how Giselle\u2019s family treated her, always in the name of loyalty<\/em>. He stopped being loyal the second he realized his kids were in danger from their mother, then left Marston and took clients with him.<\/p>\n

Finn hated Bryce for doing that, for stabbing him in the back, but Bryce also suspected Finn was one of the people who kept him afloat through his coma because Finn wasn\u2019t an asshole and he knew Bryce. Finn also had enough power and connections to make an end run around legalities to act on Bryce\u2019s behalf.<\/p>\n

At this point, Bryce was not going to recover enough to have any further conversation and Ilora seemed to know that, because she went back to her phone, which was good because Bryce could barely lift his head, much less finish his food.<\/p>\n

Some time passed. He didn\u2019t move when his phone chimed, but Ilora picked it up, read, put it back. She arose, cleared the table, and held her hand out for Bryce to take. He took the hint and arose, letting her guide him to the car. They didn\u2019t speak except for Ilora telling the driver where to take her. Once at her home, she hugged Bryce and slipped out of the car, allowing the driver to escort her to her door.<\/p>\n

\u201cHotel, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

Once in his hotel room, Giselle took one look at him and just \u2026 knew. Somehow. She went to the bathroom and started running water while he collapsed on the sofa and buried his head in his hands. She drew him up to start undressing him. She took his wallet and phone out of his pockets, tapped stop on the recording, then went about the business of getting him into the tub.<\/p>\n

The nice thing about expensive hotels, he thought vaguely as he soaked in the hot water and bubbles, was that they had nice, big tubs he could fit in. He was spoiled after Giselle had redone their bathroom to accommodate an enormous soaking tub.<\/p>\n

She kissed the top of his head, then disappeared.<\/p>\n

He knew what she was doing and he knew what she would do when she finished listening to the whole conversation.<\/p>\n

Never, in his most nihilistic dreams could he have imagined his father could be that<\/em> cruel.<\/p>\n

It had never been about the church at all. Just one petty tyrant with a tiny taste of power in a niche community exacting revenge from someone he ultimately couldn\u2019t control.<\/p>\n

Bryce had been out with Ilora for about an hour or so, he guessed, so it was about an hour before Giselle came back, nude. She laid her hand on his shoulder and pressed him forward so she could slip in behind him.<\/p>\n

He laid his head back into her bullet-pocked left shoulder and let his eyes close.<\/p>\n

GISELLE AWOKE THE next morning to an empty bed, as expected. Bryce had reluctantly gone surfing after Knox had hounded him into it at an impressive volume. Funeral\u2019s over. I\u2019m going surfing and you\u2019re going with me.<\/em> But she lay there and sobbed for her husband, the one person she couldn\u2019t protect, the one person whose burdens she could not help carry because he wouldn\u2019t share them with her.<\/p>\n

How much pain did one man have to carry before he caught a break? Or broke?<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d she whispered. \u201cWhy did you let him go through that?\u201d<\/p>\n

And why had Ilora told him all that? Maybe she just thought he should know the truth, which was fair. Giselle would want to know. Maybe she didn\u2019t think the conversation would get that deep.<\/p>\n

Why did anybody<\/em> have to go through all these bad things? Now Giselle really<\/em> felt ashamed of being so whiny about not being married and not having children when this man, this strong, valiant warrior she loved had endured so much pain alone and, except for Knox, had never had a scrap of love until she showed up forty years after he was born.<\/p>\n

No wonder he was so stunted.<\/p>\n

She<\/em> had a family that loved her. Shit, even the guy who\u2019d tried to kill her loved her and would do almost anything for her so long as she didn\u2019t come between him and OKH or insult his wife. She did not understand how a father could just \u2026<\/p>\n

A boy does not become a man until his father dies.<\/em><\/p>\n

She dragged herself out of bed, into a maternity swimsuit and shorts, down to the restaurant for breakfast, just wanting to go home or, in the alternative, splash in the pool. She didn\u2019t know how long she lounged on the pool deck, if she slept or dozed, if she astral projected somewhere, before Knox and Bryce found her. They were laughing, which was good, but Bryce\u2019s laughter died when he saw her splotchy red face because she cried ugly.<\/p>\n

\u201cUh \u2026 \u201d Knox said, throwing a thumb over his shoulder. \u201cI\u2019ll go fetch the plane.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Giselle croaked. \u201cYou\u2019re both happy and you need to go back out tonight. Tomorrow. Couple more days. I didn\u2019t\u2014I didn\u2019t understand how cathartic it is, and Bryce needs more.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCome with us,\u201d Bryce murmured gently. \u201cI\u2019ll teach you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t like the ocean. I can\u2019t keep my balance wading, I can\u2019t keep a foothold in the sand, and I don\u2019t know how to swim.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shocked silence. \u201cYou \u2026 don\u2019t?\u201d Knox asked carefully.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. Neither does Sebastian. We never got lessons.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t I know this?\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle shrugged. \u201cIt\u2019s not something you randomly \u2019fess up to. One of those basic life skills you need but we never got because we were poor, and then we were too old.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen come and watch,\u201d Bryce said. \u201cPlease.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giselle looked into Bryce\u2019s beautiful green eyes and realized what he was asking: He needed to show off for her. \u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n

THEY ARRIVED AT the beach at five a.m., Bryce and Knox both dressed in swim trunks, with boards and various beach accoutrements under their arms. The very expensive pro-level equipment they\u2019d bought would be left behind for some poor struggling surfers. Giselle tagged along carrying shit she\u2019d need to set up shop on the beach and watch. There were a lot of people here already, relatively speaking, for five a.m.<\/p>\n

They got their spot staked out and Giselle set up her chairs and umbrella, drinks and food, music and binoculars. Bryce and Knox did something to their surfboards and chattered excitedly, as if the days before had not happened. She didn\u2019t know if she should help them do something or not, or just be the groupie. There were a lot of those around, it seemed.<\/p>\n

The two of them were starting to attract attention.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, weren\u2019t you here yesterday?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeup,\u201d Bryce said to the young man who approached.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou weren\u2019t half bad for newbs. What\u2019re you doing on this beach?\u201d<\/p>\n

Knox laughed. \u201cWe are far from newbs. Just rusty.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere you from?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKansas City,\u201d Knox answered.<\/p>\n

At the kid\u2019s skeptical expression, Bryce added wryly, \u201cI\u2019m a native. I grew up surfing on this beach.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCool! Good talk!\u201d<\/p>\n

And off he went. \u201cHe looks like Junior,\u201d Giselle observed, watching him go. \u201cOnly bigger.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d Knox said, startled, looking after him. \u201cYeah, he does.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s Junior?\u201d Bryce asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cEric Cipriani, Junior,\u201d Knox said. \u201cSimone Whittaker\u2019s kid, whom she got pregnant with while Eric was at BYU, yet named him as the kid\u2019s father on his birth certificate. That was a helluva knot to get untangled. Got him off the birth certificate but the court refused a name change because the kid was too young to give his opinion.\u201d<\/p>\n

Soon they were finished and Knox broke into a run toward the ocean, board under his arm. Bryce kissed Giselle lustily, but when he would have pulled away, she drew him tighter, lengthening the kiss, deepening it. \u201cI love you, Ares,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, too, Wife. I don\u2019t know how I lived my life without you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI just want you to be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled and stroked his crooked finger down her cheek. \u201cI have never been happier in my life than I am right now. My beacon of hope watching me do one of my most favorite things in the world.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then he turned and ran to the ocean, his native habitat, with a roar, and she watched, proud and humbled that that magnificent man loved her.<\/p>\n

★<\/p>\n

2026022<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

AUGUST 2008 \u201cI JUST TALKED to my sister.\u201d Giselle blinked at Bryce\u2019s uncharacteristic lack of lascivious greeting whenever he called her. She stopped at the stoplight and adjusted her earpiece. \u201cUm. Okay? And?\u201d \u201cMy brother died.\u201d She didn\u2019t quite know how to react to that. \u201cOh. I\u2019m sorry?\u201d Bryce sighed heavily. \u201cI \u2026 don\u2019t know.\u201d \u201cHow […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":39,"menu_order":4136,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-13105","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/13105"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13105"}],"version-history":[{"count":60,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/13105\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23491,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/13105\/revisions\/23491"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/39"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/moriahjovan.com\/talesofdunham\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13105"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}