I’m asking a question, but I’m not sure I’ll understand any responses I’ll get.
A long time ago, I wrote this post: Mommy, why don’t you smile anymore?
I was doing a psych eval for clearance for a surgery I hope to have some time this coming summer, and the shrink said, “You don’t know how to relax, do you?” Why no. No, I don’t. I don’t remember the last time I had actual fun that didn’t involve guilt for being unproductive.
Twittercrank linked me to this: Young/Old. I’m some depressing amalgam of each. I have a comfort zone. Some of those things I can violate. Some I can’t. Depends on the day and time of the month.
I was cruising Pinterest (as I do) (does gorging on eye candy qualify as fun?) (especially if I feel guilty for the DIY projects I’m not getting done?), and I saw this: How to plan for a busy week {college students}. Doesn’t apply just to college students. On the poster’s “must-do” list is to have fun (paraphrasing).
How does one do this?
I scheduled a fun night out with a friend who had a conflict at the last minute. I didn’t go. The fun part was having a friend to go to a thing who would also enjoy it. Dude offered to take a night off and go with me, but he would have hated every second of the three hours, and who wants to put their spouse through that, especially if they have to take time off work to do it?
Went out with Dude yesterday for lunch. Was it fun? Well, I enjoy being with Dude and I like the restaurant’s food and it was calming and relaxing, but is that fun?
I don’t find the same things fun that my kids do. WTF is fun? What is the concept of fun? Am I fun-deficient? Do I not know how to have fun? Rather, do I not know how to have fun with other people? Am I not paying attention? Is my attention span really that short?
Or have I just gotten so cynical that I’ve lost some sense of wonder about life? (Hint: This is the correct answer.) What I want, really, is to be able to laugh with my kids and husband and have fun with them.
Suggestions? How can I scale back my cynicism? How can I scale back my sense of guilt for not being productive constantly? How can I expand my narrow lifestyle’s worldview to fun so I can laugh with my kids? And, well, what is “fun”?
I’m sorry I don’t really have the answer to that either. I guess I’ll sit with you in the corner and wait for enlightenment. Pun intended.
Dude loves going out with you, too. Yes it is fun.
I’m not sure I know the answer to that, but theoretically I can suggest practicing mindfulness exercises. That’s what people keep telling me to do. So far it hasn’t worked, but I’m pretty lazy and sloppy. “Be here now” is maybe a mantra to ponder.
*hugs and blessings*
Fun is where you find it. Sometimes it means laughing like the village idiot. Mostly it’s just being in “flow” (see Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Now there’s a name that would make heavy demands on one’s sense of humor.) So, I wouldn’t worry about it. (I know it’s not helpful to say that. Sorry.) What I would worry about is the guilt over “productivity.” Ask your doctor about acetaminophen for existential angst. Embrace procrastination – don’t try to eliminate it, just manage it (I use green, yellow and red zones). Drink at least one cup of cocoa every day, and stop writing “to do” lists. Write “I did” lists. Lather, rinse, and repeat until you can stop beating yourself up. Then you might start recognizing “fun” again.
I do both, but right now my head feels like the little scribbles in the thought bubbles over Charlie Brown’s head. I need lists to maintain some semblance of order in my mess of a mind, but they overwhelm me. And I find that my “dun-did” lists are full of small, ephemeral things that really weren’t that important.
For instance, yesterday, I spent all day on household business. ALL. DAY. Today, I spent half the day. And you know what? I don’t feel like I accomplished ANYTHING. It’s like doing dishes. You can do them, have a beautiful, clean kitchen, but you gotta do it again in a few hours. It never ends.
I totally understand. I have less than 2 months left at my job and I am writing documentation, making lists, tying up loose ends, dealing with day to day crap…nothing gets done because there is an endless stream of interruptions…it’s hard and it sucks…just remember that we can get through it one day at a time…and hope that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t an oncoming train. Wile E. Coyote really is the patron saint of the attentionally deficit.
You hit something there. I keep looking at my “urgent” list and think, “If I can get this done today, then the stress is off and I can start clean tomorrow with the next thing.” And then somehow today turns into tomorrow turns into next week and I’m still not done with it.