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	<title>stupid shit I said a long time ago &#8211; MORIAH JOVAN</title>
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	<description>Never underestimate the commercial value of mental illness.</description>
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		<title>I am unable to even</title>
		<link>https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/unable-to-even/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Moriah]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Jul 2025 17:30:44 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[ebooks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stupid shit I said a long time ago]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/?p=14811</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[When you say stupid shit and read it back almost 2 decades later when you’re cleaning up your blog Part 4 of a series An ebook is not a book. 11/15/2009 While I’m cleaning up my blog, I come across this little nugget: “An ebook is not a book,” and I wonder to myself, “Whose [&#8230;]]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="top20">
<div class="center">When you say stupid shit and read it back almost 2 decades later when you’re cleaning up your blog<br />
Part 4 of a series</p>
<p><a href="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/an-ebook-is-not-a-book/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">An ebook is not a book.<br />
11/15/2009</a>
</div>
</div>
<p><span id="more-14811"></span><br />
While I’m cleaning up my blog, I come across this little nugget: “An ebook is not a book,” and I wonder to myself, “Whose idiotic opinion was I skewering that day?”</p>
<p>Scifi author <a href="https://www.cantalibre.com/blog/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Graham Storrs</a> said in the comments:</p>
<blockquote><p>Seems to me that an e-book is a book in every way that counts. What people mean when they say ‘book’ is the content it contains.</p></blockquote>
<p>I have no defense.</p>
<p><a href="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/never-apologize/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">←&nbsp;Part 3</a></p>
<p><!--

<p class="right"><a href="" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Part 5&nbsp;→</a></p>

--></p>
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		<title>Never apologize</title>
		<link>https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/never-apologize/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Moriah]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jul 2025 19:14:12 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[philosophy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[POLITICS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stupid shit I said a long time ago]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/?p=14627</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[When you say stupid shit and read it back almost 2 decades later when you’re cleaning up your blog Part 3 of a series Sarah Palin, round 2. 01/14/2011 Step 1: Say something snarky on Twitter. &#160; Step 2: Have the internet shoot up in flames around you and get a mention at Fox News. [&#8230;]]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="top20">
<div class="center">When you say stupid shit and read it back almost 2 decades later when you’re cleaning up your blog<br />
Part 3 of a series</p>
<p><a href="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/sarah-palin-round-2/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">Sarah Palin, round 2.<br />
01/14/2011</a></div>
</div>
<p><span id="more-14627"></span></p>
<ul>
<li class="none">Step 1: Say something snarky on Twitter.
<p><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="size-full wp-image-16098 aligncenter" src="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/20110113_tweet1.jpg" alt="Tweet from @MoriahJovan on January 8, 2011: “So…will everyone be satisfied then when Palin is assassinated? You know she’s next.”" width="492" height="178"><br />&nbsp;</li>
<li class="none">Step 2: Have the internet shoot up in flames around you and <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20111118090743/https://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/01/13/palin-targeted-tweets-following-arizona-shooting-massacre/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">get a mention at Fox News</a>.</li>
<li class="none">Step 3: Panic.</li>
</ul>
<p>From linked blog post:</p>
<blockquote><p>What I should’ve said</p></blockquote>
<p>Naw, I shouldn’t have. I’ve regretted walking this back for years, since almost as soon as I posted it. Sure, I was panicked. Sure, I’d been conditioned to apologize for shit I didn’t do or that I wasn’t sorry for to soothe some hurt fee-fees. Sure, I … and and and and and</p>
<p>No, I wasn’t sorry then. I’m not sorry now. The internet is full of very clever and funny people, but it is also full of idiots with reading comprehension problems, deficits in reasoning, and broken sarcometers.</p>
<p>Fuck all y’all. I’m only sorry I back-peddled.</p>
<p><a href="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/when-i-was-edgy/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">←&nbsp;Part 2</a></p>
<p class="right"><a href="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/unable-to-even/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Part 4&nbsp;→</a></p>
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		<title>Once upon a time when I thought I was edgy</title>
		<link>https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/when-i-was-edgy/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Moriah]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 17:14:48 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Kenard Chronicles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stupid shit I said a long time ago]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tales of Dunham]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/?p=14328</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[When you say stupid shit and read it back almost 2 decades later when you’re cleaning up your blog Part 2 of a series Magdalene: a contest and a prize. 03/28/2011 [link removed] Magdalene, the third book in the Dunham series, will be released on Sunday, April 24, 2011. This is the last book in [&#8230;]]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="top20">
<div class="center">When you say stupid shit and read it back almost 2 decades later when you’re cleaning up your blog<br />
Part 2 of a series</p>
<p>Magdalene: a contest and a prize.<br />
03/28/2011<br />
[link removed]</p></div>
</div>
<p><span id="more-14328"></span><br />
<img decoding="async" class="wp-image-14330 alignleft" src="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/20250716_delilah.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="450"></p>
<blockquote><p><em>Magdalene</em>, the third book in the Dunham series, will be released on Sunday, April 24, 2011. This is the last book in the series with contemporary characters; book four, <em>Dunham</em>, is an historical <span class="blue"><strong>and book five, tentatively titled <em>Delilah</em>, is post-apocalypse</strong></span>.</p></blockquote>
<p><em>Delilah</em>.</p>
<p>Post-apocalypse.</p>
<p>Polyandry.</p>
<p>Delilah and sisters Jezebel and Lilith, daughters of Duncan Kenard, granddaughters of Bryce and Giselle Kenard.</p>
<p>It, like most everything I’ve published, is an outgrowth of something I wrote in the 1990s that I wrung into the Dunham universe or cannibalized for something else in the Dunham universe.</p>
<p>I was all into it when I was forty and my libido was super-charged. I researched other polyandrous fiction and realized someone else did it better than I could, ever would, and mine would be seen as derivative, even though the added twist was that these people are <em>Mormons</em>, and given our history, <strong>i WaS gOiNg To TuRn PoLyGaMy On ItS hEaD</strong>. <img decoding="async" class=" wp-image-14331 alignright" src="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/20250716_lolface.png" alt="" width="165" height="139">I don&#8217;t remember who wrote what or when. I just noted that someone else had done a good polyandrous novel, so I shelved <em>Delilah</em>.</p>
<blockquote><p>It’s the late 21st century and a prototype chemical weapon is accidentally released (in Los Alamos, where else?). It was intended to kill selectively based on DNA (mitochondrial DNA?); its target was supposed to be people who trend to alpha, risk-takers, smart. It was not age-selective. Instead, it kills the weak. (Basically, it culls the US population for the best <i>and</i> worst, leaving not much in between.) It wipes out more than 2/3 of the US population, and what’s left are basically the barbarians. Further, it kills far more males than females. It amps up the males’ aggression and the females’ fertility. So of course, the Dunhams are barbarians anyway, but now they’re just <em>more</em> barbarous.</p></blockquote>
<p>Pre-writing this post: <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f644.png" alt="🙄" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></p>
<p>Then I went and re-read. Shit, I’m good. I was, even back then when I started it, in 2008. Well, of course, I’m good. I wrote the <a href="http://www.publishersweekly.com/9780981769653">Great Mormon Novel</a>&#8482;.</p>
<p class="separator">★★★</p>
<p class="excerptchapterhead">PROLOGUE</p>
<div class="lr8">
<p class="sectiontop">I’M JUST ANOTHER middle-aged woman who thinks she can write a book.</p>
<p class="text">At almost a hundred twenty, I still have a good hundred years of life left in me. We live longer than the previous generations, you see. It was one of the ways in which our biology was changed at the chromosomal level way back when, or so my father tells me. My grandmother died young—she was only ninety-two—but he says that generation considered ninety-two to have been a long, good life.</p>
<p class="text">I never know what to make of that.</p>
<p class="text">Anyway, we’re doing marvelous things with technology now, my husband and children and I. We’ve revived the internet somewhat, pioneering the mining tools to dig through the archives of the data detritus of the people who went before us. In fact, that’s our family business, investigating people’s histories, their ancestries, things that had been recorded in oftentimes excruciating, tedious, and mind-numbingly boring detail.</p>
<p class="text">The mining of Facebook and Twitter alone have made the fortunes of several of my grandchildren and great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren. The Church was one of our first clients, and we have been its chief (sometimes only) mining company for forty years or so.</p>
<p class="text">People have a need to know where they came from, especially after having spent so many years trying to hide their ancestry that they simply forgot what it was. They want to know the names of those who didn’t survive, what they thought, how they lived, why they mightn’t have lived, if their personalities were somehow indicative of the genetics that doomed them to death.</p>
<p class="text">My husband is the ringleader of this enormous family—and business—we created. One day, he came home from work and said, “Del, I think you should write a book.”</p>
<p class="text">“A book?” I asked. “What about?”</p>
<p class="text">“You. Us. You know, from the beginning of us. The stories the kids beg you for, only not so sanitized. All the gory details. In forty years, I have yet to come across any memoir of that time, much less a good one.”</p>
<p class="text">I thought about that a minute. I didn’t have anything much else to do lately since my daughters had decided I needed a housekeeping staff. I don’t like to travel, you see, and I wouldn’t without my husband anyway, and he’s too in love with his work to leave for long. We are wealthy and I have not had to manage our farm for four decades now.</p>
<p class="text">It wasn’t as if I didn’t remember. It’s to my advantage that I remember—as do my contemporaries.</p>
<p class="text">That was another thing that changed in our biologies: our memories, which are long and detailed. There is no Alzheimer’s, no dementia. My father marvels at that.</p>
<p class="text">He—my dad, that is, Dr. Duncan Kenard—assists the family in the business, contributing his medical knowledge and research here and there, his hypotheses and theories, but for him it’s a hobby. His real love is in treating patients, to study how much more superior the human body became after the change. What we take for granted—robust health, “long” lives, few chromosomal defects—he considers miracles.</p>
<p class="text">“Just tell it from your point of view. That way, it won’t exactly be incomplete, if you know what I mean.”</p>
<p class="text">I did. “That makes me uncomfortable,” I said slowly. “I’d feel funny, putting myself out there like that.”</p>
<p class="text">He gave me a strange look. “You’ve been mining blogs again.”</p>
<p class="text">It’s true. I like to read the old blogs, the ones from the twenty-first century, and I start talking they way they wrote, which my family thinks is hilarious. They were incredibly, ah, “emo,” those generations. Too whiny by half, but their internet culture was alive and well with its own limited vocabulary that was incredibly expressive for a medium that couldn’t convey tone, body language, or facial expressions.</p>
<p class="text">And their obsessions!</p>
<p class="text">Would that we had had that kind of time when our lives fell apart, and especially—</p>
<p class="text">Their obsession with sparkly vampires and dominant billionaires can entertain me for hours. Oh, would that the vampires we had had to deal with had been sparkly and emo, instead of a treacherous government. I would have even taken the dominant billionaire over what we had to go through.</p>
<p class="text">“What you should do,” my husband continued, “is write it like you’re telling someone else’s story.”</p>
<p class="text">I thought about that another minute. “I suppose I could manage that. Sometimes it does seem like it happened to someone else.”</p>
<p class="text">“There you go. And,” he added brightly, “maybe it’ll keep you occupied while you get through menopause.”</p>
<p class="text">I slugged him in the arm, but he laughed.</p>
<p class="text">After a hundred and four years of marriage, I probably ought to be used to his little digs. On the other hand, I’ve been having hot flashes for the last twelve years and things are critical.</p>
<p class="text">I’m losing my libido and fertility, you see, the thing that defined me for so many years—to myself, to my family, to the government, to my church and neighborhood and community—and I can’t wait until the process is over.</p>
<p class="text">Ah, but with a lifespan three times the length of my ancestors’ comes a longer fertility cycle, so Dunc says, which makes a ten-, fifteen-, twenty-year menopause about proportional (and that’s not counting half again the number of years of perimenopause). My best friend is in her seventeenth year and menopause, like the post-catastrophe libido, is a beast.</p>
<p class="text">The source of my husband’s amusement is his gratitude. He hasn’t been able to keep up with me for several decades now. He’s enjoying the slowdown, the relative infrequency, the ever-increasing occasions when we can take our time, when the infrequency makes it special and not, for me, a need akin to breathing.</p>
<p class="text">“What about Lil and Jess?” I asked, wondering what my sisters would think about being equally exposed. Their lives were inextricably bound up in mine. I couldn’t leave them out of the telling of such a tale.</p>
<p class="text">He shrugged. “They’ll get over it.”</p>
<p class="text">Yes, I remember how it was before we changed—we all do, those of us of the First Wave—but it just seems like an extraordinarily vivid dream.</p>
<p class="text">So I’m going to write it that way.</p>
</div>
<p class="separator">★★★</p>
<p>No. No, I’m not.</p>
<p><a href="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/older-more-tired/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">←&nbsp;Part 1</a></p>
<p class="right"><a href="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/never-apologize/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Part 3&nbsp;→</a></p>
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		<title>Older, more tired</title>
		<link>https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/older-more-tired/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Moriah]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 15 Jul 2025 15:38:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stupid shit I said a long time ago]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/?p=14112</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[When you say stupid shit and read it back almost 2 decades later when you’re cleaning up your blog Part 1 of a series No. 08/15/2013 But I’d had soft beaten out of me long before then and I was pretty sure I’d never be able to become soft, so I silently rejected his advice [&#8230;]]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="top20">
<div class="center">When you say stupid shit and read it back almost 2 decades later when you’re cleaning up your blog<br />
Part 1 of a series</p>
<p><a href="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/no/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">No.<br />
08/15/2013</a></div>
</div>
<p><span id="more-14112"></span></p>
<p><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-full wp-image-16124 aligncenter" src="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/20130815_no.jpg" alt="Kurt Vonnegut quote. Text: “Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.”" width="658" height="359"></p>
<blockquote><p>But I’d had <em>soft</em> beaten out of me long before then and I was pretty sure I’d never be able to become <em>soft</em>, so I silently rejected his advice as an impossibility. I didn’t know it then (nor did he), but I was <em>angry</em>. There’s just no dealing with anger when you don’t know that’s what it is.</p></blockquote>
<p>So here I am, 12 years later, and life has just beaten me to a pulp. Am I any softer? Maybe, but that’s the effect of time, like water smoothing out a rock.</p>
<p><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="wp-image-14111 alignright" src="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/20250715_riverrock.jpg" alt="" width="401" height="267"></p>
<p>But it’s still a rock, and aimed correctly, thrown with enough force, can still kill or at least stun.</p>
<p>I mostly don’t engage in internet scuffles now. I shitpost on 𝕏 when I feel like it, usually about writing, self/publishing, and plain silliness. Obviously I haven’t tended my blog in forever.</p>
<p>I also don’t engage with people much in real life, and certainly don’t go off the handle in public (mostly). I’ve learned to pick my battles.</p>
<p>My latest battles:</p>
<ul class="post">
<li class="post">One incompetent physician (heated arguments over my mom’s almost-death bed, complaints to the hospital, a bad review on HealthGrades [which is not visible], and the Missouri Board of Healing Arts).</li>
<li class="post">One very selfish aunt whom we (my brothers and I) forced into doing the right thing (sell the house that my mother owned half of so we could pay for her medical care) after she flat refused because she valued the property more than everything else, including her sister’s welfare, and thought reality didn’t apply to her because she’d always gotten what she wanted.</li>
</ul>
<p>I’m still angry, not soft.</p>
<p>I’m just too tired to care much until it’s a bona fide threat.</p>
<p class="right"><a href="https://moriahjovan.com/talesofdunham/blog/when-i-was-edgy/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Part 2&nbsp;&nbsp;→</a></p>
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