For me, “I can’t” is the most freeing phrase in the English language. Because I’m backward like that.
Not a week ago, I despaired of an emergent situation that had a deadline of 3 weeks, and wailed at Dude, “I can’t!” Yet here it is, less than a week from when I said that, and…the crisis is almost resolved. (Dude doesn’t really know this yet. Shhh.)
I got to thinking about how I felt a week ago versus how I feel today, spurred by Mike Cane’s post “The Universe is Made of No” and a following comment by Bob Mayer:
The world is full of no outside of us. If we believe it. The key is if someone internalizes no. Then the NO becomes real. Most no’s start from within. Then we hear it echoed around us. So YES starts from within.
That’s nice. If you’re normal.
I’ve never been able to resist a dare (and I shall not bore you with my more embarrassing successes). To me, “I can’t” is a dare, a catalyst, something my twisted mind takes and uses as fuel.
I have to be feeling pretty desperate to use it. The last psychological stop for me is usually “failure is not an option.” It’s useful, but it’s more to meet a long-term objective. The first time I ever felt desperate enough to use “failure is not an option” I succeeded—wildly and for many years. The second time… Well, I’m still rolling on that wave of success, which continues to grow.
“I can’t” is the last resort—a barrel of gasoline thrown on a spark of will.
19 thoughts on “I can’t”
” I’ve never been able to resist a dare (and I shall not bore you with my more embarrassing successes). To me, “I can’t” is a dare, a catalyst, something my twisted mind takes and uses as fuel.”
Dude has known this about Moriah Jovan for a very long time.
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Hm. I think “I can’t” is a cop-out. “YOU can’t” is a dare.
My problem is motivating without some arsehole ex-husband telling me that. Lacking the ability to piss myself off, I tend to just spin my wheels and wait for shite to drop in my lap the easy way. . . which it rarely does, ‘natch.
Downside of Libra. *sigh*
Well, I think that’s the way most people see it and that’s why they say, “There is no such thing as ‘I can’t.'” Or some variation thereof.
If somebody ELSE tells me I can’t do something, well… Whether I can or can’t isn’t their business. I just do what I’m going to do.
When I say to myself, “I can’t,” it’s to get me that last few feet to the finish line cross it BEFORE I fall on my face.
Remember that big-ass piece I wrote on That Other Board, what, 9 years ago now? Failure is not an option? Yeah, well… The only thing that got me through that and to the subsequent reward was one final, “I can’t” before I took that last breath and…did.
And besides, you’re not a Libra anymore.
Yes, we shared that motto, but no surprise we would interpret our dares contrary to each other, my evil and very opposite twin. My inner motivator is more about hedonistic pleasure. It’s the naysayers who put me on my ear and help me focus on a supposedly unattainable goal. Not sure how the logistics work as these are never people whose opinions I really value, yet they provide that little extra impetus to get off my lazy arse and prove them wrong. Of course, I need to find a nemesis besides an arseholish ex as his power has obviously waned over the years. Clearly, someone needs to ponder her motivators in life and figure out a new tack before stagnation becomes a career. . .
LMAO@the “new” sign. I’ll stick with the tropical zodiac, TYVM. Must have been a slow news week in some circles. Calendar juggling will never turn me into a Virgo. I would have to take up OCD as a hobby and I’m afraid that would require some creative pharmacology.
Better living through chemistry…
I’m assuming that if I tell you you can’t do The Thing You Need To Do Next, you’ll thumb your nose at me and say, “You don’t count. It’s like my mother telling me I’m pretty. She has to say that.”
Hehe. Obviously a rhetorical question as you obviously knew you answered your own question. To be honest, you’ve already failed as a role model because 1) I can’t figure out what I could do that I LOVE that might support me and 2) Without someone despicable to taunt me, I apparently suck at motivating myself to work that hard. I admire your compulsiveness and drive. I just don’t seem to be wired for it. I’ll work my arse off for someone else for 40+ hours a week but at the end of the day I just want the freedom to chuck it all aside and deflate. If you are the prickle, I am the goo. (I’d link you to Alan Watts, but that would require remembering the html and finding a link, and I figure you’re too busy to follow the rabbit trail anyway–so once again, laziness wins.)
Y’know, I kinda thought at this age I wouldn’t be such a work in progress. I would probably feel less at sea if I stopped focusing on the end point and more on the journey.
Wait–are you saying you KNOW what I need to do next? *grin*
Shit, I’ve known that for nine years.
It involves bulldozers and lawyers.
Mkay. . . three hours of sleep in the last 36 hours and I’m feeling very obtuse. I was expecting something that involved a match and insurance fraud, or maybe sex with a stranger. (That last item is probably a no-go yet as I wouldn’t be able to get past the requisite nudity yet. Insecurity is my middle name, you know.) You can come straight out and tell me, or just laugh at me whilst I cogitate on the bulldozer/lawyer thing until the light bulb comes on.
Dude is watching intently to see where this goes.
Mowing down your house and selling the land. 🙂 I would NEVER suggest you commit a violent crime…
Hah. So it was as simple as it seemed. I know I’m not going to make 100K profit like I could have six years ago, but I need to make enough to pay off my mtge., pay my moving expense (I’m thinking PODS), and get me into something on the other end. Believe me, I will entertain any offer that does that. I am mentally already moving, which is half the battle. Present crappy job can follow me and later, I will worry about something better (even if I can’t figure out my ultimate calling yet). Yes, then I will get serious about landscaping my nether regions and open myself up for the possibility of two-person sex. See, it’s not that I don’t have a *plan* but rather that I need someone to keep rolling me down the hill so I don’t continually wedge myself against some obstacle that whispers “You’ll never make real headway by your lonesome.” In the absence of someone to prove wrong, my self-motivator sucks.
As for the rest, I would expect something involving dead chickens, hat pins, menstrual blood, and that hank of ponytail I think I still have out in the garage. It’s not “violence” if you’re not even in the same state, is it? *bats eyelashes innocently*
You know I am the instrument of the Lord’s vengeance.
Seriously, what *I* think is that you should hire an agent to get your POS house sold, then simply walk away from it all and take nothing but your hole-less granny panties, your iPod, a pack of baby wipes, and start driving. Somewhere. Anywhere.
Personally, I think a cross-country road trip by yourself with nothing to do and nowhere to go would do you a world of good. Baptism by asphalt.
If it makes you feel better able to do so, I’ll work up a gris gris bag and kill a chicken.
I was talking to someone yesterday about taking chances. I may do a post.
Part of me loves that idea. Part of me is mortified by it. Of course, “Just me” would include two cats, a dog, a parrot, and that right there pretty much fucks up the whole idea.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I could personally use the therapy. I was debating whether I have the strength for a trip to the Oracle, but it’d probably work better if you wrote something for me to chew on first. 🙂
Must I write a dissertation on self-empowerment every time you need a kick in the ass? 😉
*sigh* The things we do for love.
Yes, please. I’ve been feeling neglected and it’s all part of the new high-maintenance girlfriend shtick I’m thinking of trying out. 🙂
I DID write a blog post today, but…it was about digital goods delivery systems, so I’m guessing that won’t work?
Too much like having my kid regale me with the joys of writing code. I grok, but lack the personal involvement to allow it to sink in. I will read, but picture me smiling vacuously, nodding, and being generally proud I might have played a small part in nurturing that intellect.
No worries. I’m not accustomed to instant gratification. My evolution in particular seems to require long-term percolatin’. 😀