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	<title>Moriah Jovan &#187; celibacy</title>
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		<title>You can&#8217;t leave it alone*</title>
		<link>http://moriahjovan.com/mojo/you-cant-leave-it-alone</link>
		<comments>http://moriahjovan.com/mojo/you-cant-leave-it-alone#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 14 Dec 2008 05:59:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>MoJo</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Religion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celibacy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dunham series]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Magdalene]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mormon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mormon culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[work-in-progress]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://moriahjovan.com/mojo/?p=100</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[In my work in progress, Magdalene (#3 in the Dunham series), the non-Mormon heroine, Cassie, wants to ambush the (widowed) Mormon bishop hero, Mitch, at church. They&#8217;ve been dating (excruciatingly chastely) for 5 months and she is thoroughly bewildered as to why he hasn&#8217;t invited her to attend (not to mention more than a little [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In my work in progress, <a href="http://moriahjovan.com/essays/magdaleneexcerpt.html" target="_blank"><em>Magdalene</em></a> (#3 in the Dunham series), the non-Mormon heroine, Cassie, wants to ambush the (widowed) Mormon bishop hero, Mitch, at church.  They&#8217;ve been dating (<em>excruciatingly</em> chastely) for 5 months and she is thoroughly bewildered as to why he hasn&#8217;t invited her to attend (not to mention more than a little peeved that she hasn&#8217;t been able to seduce him).  Not that she wants to go to church, mind, much less join; she just had the idea that we were all about acquiring converts—which is a completely reasonable and wholly correct assumption.</p>
<p>Since Mitch lives in the heart of the steel belt and she lives in Manhattan, she has quite a bit of trouble figuring out which ward he oversees, where to go, and what time to be there.  Thus, she turns to Mitch&#8217;s best friend, who left the church halfway through his mission and is a professed and semi-practicing pagan.  He gives her the procedural rundown and says,</p>
<blockquote><p><strong><span style="font-family: arial; color: #bb3366;">“The more you understand about our culture, the better you’ll understand Mitch.”</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-family: arial; color: #bb3366;">“<em>Our</em> culture?”</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-family: arial; color: #bb3366;">“Well, yeah. Mine, too. You don’t stop being a Jew just because you convert to Christianity.”</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-family: arial; color: #bb3366;">“That’s genetic.”</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-family: arial; color: #bb3366;">“With us, it might as well be.”</span></strong></p></blockquote>
<p>I live in a place that&#8217;s rich with Mormon history, so, like any native, I take it for granted.  I don&#8217;t feel any sense of heritage when I go to Utah (which state I avoid like the plague).  It&#8217;s in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nauvoo,_Illinois" target="_blank">Nauvoo, Illinois</a>, where I feel this connection to my heritage; every time I go, I find my cynicism and willingness to snipe seeping out of my soul, leaving a refreshing softness and wistful smiles.  And, well, I got married in Nauvoo.  That might have something to do with it.</p>
<p>So I took some pictures when we were there in August for my cousin&#8217;s wedding.  Enjoy.</p>
<blockquote><p><strong><span style="font-family: arial; color: #bb3366;">*There&#8217;s a saying about a portion of folks who identify as ex-Mormon or recovering Mormon (yes, there is a 12-step group for it):  You can leave the church, but you can&#8217;t leave it alone.</span></strong></p></blockquote>
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		<title>The 37-year-old virgin heroine</title>
		<link>http://moriahjovan.com/mojo/the-37-year-old-virgin-heroine</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 15 Aug 2008 00:39:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>MoJo</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[The Virgin Heroine has always been (and remains, IMO) a staple of genre romance. It&#8217;s getting not so much that way anymore, but as time goes on and society gets freer with its sexcapades, it&#8217;s harder for a writer to justify the Virgin Heroine, especially beyond, say, college age. On the other hand, we still [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The Virgin Heroine has always been (and remains, IMO) a staple of genre romance.  It&#8217;s getting not so much that way anymore, but as time goes on and society gets freer with its sexcapades, it&#8217;s harder for a writer to justify the Virgin Heroine, especially beyond, say, college age.  On the other hand, we still have historical writers who are perfectly capable of pulling off the &#8220;<a href="http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/index.php/weblog/comments/a-rakes-guide-to-pleasure-by-victoria-dahl/" target="_blank">wicked virgin widow trope</a>,&#8221; which I have to admit is cracktastic and I never ever get tired of it. (Kind of like &#8220;I had to do it to fulfill the will&#8221; plots, but that&#8217;s another post.)</p>
<p>I don&#8217;t believe I&#8217;ve ever read a contemporary romance (other than an inspirational or sweet) that used religious beliefs as a solid, if not defiant, reason for the heroine&#8217;s virginity.  And in any case, religious or not, if the heroine does lose her virginity before she marries the hero, she still marries (or commits to) the hero, so it&#8217;s all good.</p>
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<p>For Mormons, the matter of celibacy until marriage is an expectation, a requirement.  You don&#8217;t have sex with your one and only twu wuv before the vows are said no matter the commitment level. This also means you can&#8217;t have sex with yourself since, well, you aren&#8217;t married to yourself.  Masturbation&#8217;s a no-no, folks.</p>
<p>Oh, yes, I just now heard all 4 of you non-Mormon readers gasp in shock and dismay.  I know.  Me, too.  Think about being 29, 37, 46 and still a virgin.  It&#8217;s a bitch. You think I&#8217;m kidding or talking about a very small minority of single women in the church who had no plans for default nunnery?  I assure you, I am not.  There&#8217;s a lot of ’em.  I will never find a non-Mormon romance with a Virgin Heroine who&#8217;s 29, 37, 46 without some trauma or serious psychological issues that requires therapy.  Nobody&#8217;d believe it.</p>
<p>So.  For the more adventurous of LDS women who read genre romance of the steamier variety, I have written the unapologetic 37-year-old Virgin Heroine as a tribute to you (and when she finds her one and only twu wuv, she takes one for the team so you don&#8217;t have to); if you&#8217;re older than that and still can&#8217;t relate to Giselle&#8217;s celibate angst, I apologize from the bottom of my heart (although if you disagree with her choices, well, not apologizing for that).</p>
<p>For the non-LDS women who can&#8217;t relate to such a thing at all, I hope I&#8217;ve written for you a decent reason she is the way she is and a realistic picture of the way she deals with it.  If you still can&#8217;t believe it, my only defense is that I know these women&#8211;a lot of them.</p>
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